four minutes past twelve. ante meridiem.
usually, i feel numb. the way i would describe that, is that i know i have all these feelings built up inside me, but its come to so much that my body and mind just choose to ignore it until the pain subsides.
but this time, i feel empty. it doesnt happen as often, but when it does its absolutely awful. i feel absolutely nothing. i look forward to absolutely nothing. i think, whats the point?
everything is, little by little, getting to be too much. sure, the likelihood is that everything will sort itself out in the end, but what happens if it doesnt? what happens it nothing gets better?
people care about me. of course they do. but nobody cares in the way i need them to. nobody cares enough about me for me to feel as though i can reach out.
i want the pain to end. i would love to live an exciting, happy life. but i do not see an exciting, happy life in the foreseeable future.
it sucks. a lot. i wish i didnt have these thoughts, because right now the emptiness i feel is so bad i can feel my heart ache. and that is fucking terrifying.
its now just ten minutes past twelve. ante meridiem.
