Polly

5.

I guess at the end of the day I just came off the rails. I don't have happiness, it's all a lie. I am cold hearted and receive a cold heart back. So many people tried to give me warm hearts but when all they get is coldness... well no one really sticks around. They usually just be more like me and develop my cold heart.
Without you I am nothing. I listen to the old songs we used to listen to together. I cry every time I write about you. It's been so long without you but it still feels like it happened yesterday. You were the one thing I loved. Dependant upon. One of the things that can truly never come back. The world is dimmed now, there is no light at the end of the tunnel like there used to be. There is no hope left. I knew this would happen but never knew how I would exist without you. And there is my answer, I simply cannot live without you.

A couple of days ago, I went south. Badly. I went to the deepest part of my brain to battle my demons and lost. I had no idea that fighting them would be so hard. I have never gone that far into the abyss before. I cried for 8 hours just for you, i miss you. I want to join you. It will be my life goal.

So im finally gonna get my life on track, well i hope anyways. I'm going to see a councillor and hope that maybe I will achieve something or maybe ill just follow where she goes. I stupidly got two people who were perfect for each other together but a day in and one of them is having regrets and its all my fault.

And my night is raining again. I am so so so sick of feeling like this. I don't know what to do anymore.