Qualities that Kill

Chapter 4- Jax

I need to make another kill. It needs to be someone whose Quality is bravery so it can cancel out the fear, but, the thing is, I'm too afraid to do it, I think, jumping at something I hear behind me. I slowly turn around to see what it is, and sigh with relief when I realize that it is only the wind. Unexpectedly, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach that I recognize as hunger. I can't remember the last time I ate- actually, yes I can, thanks to my photographic memory. It was two days ago, and I had a can of peaches.

I have been hunkered down in this abandoned house for far too long, my rational mind realizes. I need to get out, go find food. But then the fear butts in, telling me that I can't go out there, that I'll be safe if I stay here. I shake my head, trying to jostle some sense into myself. I need to go out there and get food. I will die if I don't.

Struggling against the fear, I stand, grab my backpack that contains a gun I am too afraid to shoot, a flashlight, an empty water bottle, and a basic first aid kit, and head towards the door of the house, passing the empty pantry which was long ago looted by desperate passerby. I need to find food.

I carefully open the front door, almost bolting when it makes a creaking noise, I'm that wound up. Ever so slowly, I take careful steps out of the house and into the blazing heat of the sun. As my eyes adjust, I take a few more steps forward. Then I realize that I have no idea where to start looking for food. There might be some in one some of the abandoned apartment buildings around the city, or in the deserted gas stations and supermarkets around the city. But chances of that are low, since they were most likely all looted a long time ago.

I decide to try to find some food in a store that is in sight from where I am standing. It looks like a grocery store from the outside, one that should contain canned food if all of it hasn't already been stolen. I begin my trek towards it, careful to stay in the shadows and move slowly so I am harder to spot. The whole way there I battle with the fear as it tells me that I'm not safe out here, that I need to find shelter or someone's going to find me and kill me. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and soon enough I make it to the store, almost collapsing with relief when I make it safely inside. I look around, taking in my surroundings and then realize that this isn't a grocery store at all, it's a hardware store. And hardware stores typically don't contain an abundance of food. My long trek got me nowhere in the food department. I can't leave this store, though. I'm too scared.

Defeated by my fear, I wander aimlessly through the store, gazing at the now useless supplies. No one needs to get new parts for their sprinkler system now. Or get new light bulbs. They're too busy trying to stay alive.

After a while, I find myself in the outdoor section, with all the shovels, bags of dirt, and long- dead plants. Useless. All of it is useless. I continue to wander through the outdoor section, until I see a shelf full of little packages of seeds. Then I get an idea. I need food, but I don't want to go outside or leave my shelter, ever. I can plant a garden. My mouth waters at the thought of fresh food.

Suddenly, I get an unsettling feeling, almost like someone is watching me. Immediately, my heart starts to pound and adrenaline floods my body. I try to tell myself that it's just the fear talking, that I'm perfectly safe here, there isn't anyone else in here, I would have heard them. But the feeling doesn't go away.

Now jumpy and tense, I grab a few handfuls of the seed packets, shove them in my backpack, and scan my surroundings for any sign of danger. I still don't see anything- or anyone, for that matter.

Abruptly, an old man with long greying hair and an out-of-control beard jumps in front of me. My instincts immediately tell me to get out of there.

He grins, showing yellowing teeth, and I bolt.