ghost

Chapter One.

January 4th 2015:

"My name is Charlie, and I'm uh- not about to do this." I stand up, pushing the chair back with the back of my knees and spin on my heels.

I don't bother to look back, despite the group leaders calls after me, I pressed my tongue to the inside of my cheek as I let my open palm push the heavy blue door open, leading me to a square room, which had another door, black this time with big windows that shown me the city, and I sighed, pulling it open.

The air was crisp and made instant goosebumps appear on my arms, I didn't bring a coat, I remember, I did however bring my cigarettes. I pull the packet out of the back pocket of my denim washed jeans and flip the top open, pulling on the last one, and scrunching the box in my palm and letting it fall the the floor.

I put the last smoke in between my lips and press on it, holding onto it, as I fumble in my other pockets for my all white lighter, pulling it out I cup my hands over the end of the smoke, and pull back on the clipper, watching the flame dance in the air and I bring it to the brown tip, I watch the ash begin to fall to the ground as I inhale deeply.

The dripping on my forehead makes me silently thank that the apartment is only another block away, as I look up at the rain, the sky was a dark blue, almost black really but it wasn't quite because I could still see the clouds and how they were just a couple of shades darker.

I can't believe I even went to go to that group, I'm not even a drug addict, I tried it a couple of times, coke and xanax, it took away my anxiety and sped time up a little but I didn't particularly enjoy the come down. Although I was relaxed.

I flicked the last of my cigarette onto the floor, walking past it without putting a stop to it burning with my shoe, the rain can do that. I looked up at the block of apartments, it used to feel like home, it doesn't anymore.

The steps are cracked, dirty, the buzzer is full of cobwebs, and at least a third of the buttons are actually broke so you have to just ring anybody's buzzer if you want to see somebody, or you're locked out. The paint of the door was chipped too, but I didn't feel any sadness about the building anymore, it just kept me dry, safe.

I put my key into the lock and turned, pulling it out I pushed the door and let myself in, holding it open for a couple of kids that were leaving the building, they were smiling, when was the last time I smiled properly? I can't remember.

I climbed the stairs, all one hundred and sixty two stairs to our—my apartment, it's not really ours when she's been gone for seven months, I pay the rent, the bills, it's all mine, and all my loneliness too.

"What's up, Charlie?" Clarissa from next door beamed, coming out of her apartment.

"Not much, you?" I ask, only being polite of course, I didn't actually care, she didn't get that.

"Well, I'm about to go and see all the girls, were going out tonight," she tells me, and I turn around finally looking at her, as I've been staring at my door for the first half of the conversation, she carries on, "I haven't had a night out in a while." she tells me.

'Me either." I tell her, pulling my lips into a tight smile, she grins back at me, "anyway, I'll let you go." I tell her.

"Yeah, thank you." She smiles, again, "Enjoy your night, Charlie."

"You too." I tell her, although, again I didn't really care. I let myself into the apartment, after unlocking the two locks and flicked the light switch up, turning on the lights.