As I stare blankly ahead the rain fell on my window like the tears rolling down my cheeks. I wasn't sobbing or hysterically crying but rather crying silently and without a sound. My room was filled with silence. I reached over to my left and grabbed my iPod, pressing play. The song that came on was "Letters" by Matt Corby, the song I'd had on repeat for the last week or two. I wasn't thinking about anything to be honest but I was deeply hurt and I could feel it sitting in my chest. I was frozen in that spot, unable to move so I just sat there for a few hours, song still playing, rain and tears still falling.
I woke up the next morning in the same spot but laying down. I didn't know what time I'd fallen asleep or how long I had slept for but I knew I had a really bad head ache. I didn't feel like talking to anyone today so I pulled on some jeans, my red cons and a hoddie and walked out the door. I didn't know exactly where I was going but I was going somewhere. My mind wasn't there and I definitely wasn't thinking straight. My phone buzzed in my pocket so I pulled it out. It was Sandy asking if I wanted her to come and pick me up. Sandy was one of my older friends and was great to be around no matter what the mood I was in. I felt like I could tell her anything and everything and she was the only person I could stand being around when I didn't want to be around anyone.
Sandy picked me up at the supermarket closest to me. By closest I mean it was about 15 kilometres from my house but it was the closest spot I could think of. "You're a bit far from home" she said as I climbed into her car. "How did you get here? Did your parents drop you off?" She asked as she pulled the car out of the loading zone in front of where I was waiting. "No I walked" I replied plainly as I got comfortable in the passenger seat. Sandy could tell I wasn't in the best of moods so she got "our" CD with all "our" songs on it and turned up the volume. I turned my head and took my hood off sending Sandy a smile. Sandy knew exactly what I wanted and I didn't even have to say anything to her. Gosh she knows me so well I thought to myself. She knew that I wanted to just go for a drive and so that's what we did. We drove with no destination in mind but rather a drive in the car where we would stop when we got hungry or needed petrol, whichever came first. "Do your parents know where you are?" She asked, again knowing me so well and knowing that I would have just left the house before anyone woke up. "Yes and no" I replied. "Mmm ok what have you said to them?" "That I was going out then I sent them a text saying I was going for a drive with you" I now had my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Sandy glanced over and saw the first tear fall. "Hey Hun, what's wrong?" She questioned. She knew there would be a bit of a pause before I answered her so she waited patiently for my answer. "I'm sick of messing things up. That's all I seem to do, I wreck things and stuff everything up. I ruin all of it." I whispered, too afraid that someone else other than Sandy would hear even though we were the only ones in the car and all the windows were up. "Aww honey, you're not a stuff up at all. You're perfect and you make my day every time I see you. Why would you think that?" The concern was very evident in her voice. "Because that's how I feel all the time. That I'm the one that ruins my relationships with people, I muck everything up and that I'm hopeless at everything" The pain in my chest had returned. Sandy pulled over to the side of the road, got out of the car and came to my side. She opened the door and pulled me up from my seat and embraced me in a warm hug. I loved her hugs, they were those "instantly feel better" hugs. We hugged for a little while and after we let go my tears had stopped falling. We both got back into the car and continued to drive.
We kept driving and ended up stopping at a small town where we had lunch, did some shopping and fuelled up before driving back home. Even though we had done barely I felt wrecked and slept pretty much the whole way back. Sandy drove me back to my house and by the time we got there I was dead asleep so she carried me off to my bedroom where I continued to sleep for a few more hours.
I awoke to the smell of carbonara, which by the way is my favourite and even though I didn't feel like eating I couldn't resist the urge. Mum had bought my dinner into my room while I was asleep and placed it on my bed side table. I reached over and grabbed the bowl, put a movie on and checked my phone. I had received 17 text messages over the time of being asleep. I read them all and replied to the people I wanted to and then I read the last one. It was from Sandy and she said "Hope you had a nice sleep, I carried you up to your bed so hopefully you have no bumps and bruises. I just want you to know that you are the best thing that has happened to me and I promise you that everything is going to turn out ok." I smiled a big smile, the one where your mouth is the biggest part of your face and you can tell its not fake. Which I hadn't genuinely smiled properly for a very long time. The pain in my chest disappeared and I whispered "Yes it will be" because from that moment on that was the only thing I needed to believe in and I did.
