blue pocketbook bound in leather

me

Depressed
I'm a loner, an extra; all my life. I've never been the center of attention or anything close to that. I know this isn't a movie, I don't have any "amazing" powers or abilities. I've always been alone or forgotten about, when I was in kindergarten, I've always been forgotten about or rejected. I know I'm not one of the most likable people, but it's like it hurts to admit me to play their game, it's like I have a disease or something. I'm big party's I'm always the extra, my sister has her friend,and even in a big group, I'm the extra. Always the extra. My friends try to include me, saying "if your going to be the loner, at least be happy" or "don't be the Emo of the group" (someone has to, shouldn't it be the one that never has friends?)I seem kinda like the girl that likes to be alone most of the time, but does have her good friends. Everyone tells me that I'm popular and well liked, but I really don't care about what they think. Sometimes I just want to be left alone with my music and books, but NOOOO, someone always needs my help or wants to tell me something. I get it, i "made" myself the way, yes, because I don't want to be that girl that everyone just goes "oh, it's HER again" like, I want to be known like if I'm in too many different things, tough, strong, obsessive, pretty, smart, and talented, but in reality I'm weak, strong, fast, and alone. I have my good friends, but sometimes I just want to be left alone, like is it too hard to ask for them to just leave me alone, just for a day? Am I that needed?
Truth is,
I'm lonely, and most people I tend to push away, but the ones that I don't really know me, like the real me. They might know me a little better than other people, but that doesn't mean that know ME, I'm a different person everywhere, at school, at home, it's so easy to just put on a mask and go, I've gotten so good at it, I don't think most people notice that the real me is nothing like they think.