captured in silence

end

"You see,
I loved you so much
And you were always too blind to see.
So when I tell you I'm leaving,
Please don't try to stop me.
Because I'm not going to wait any longer
For someone who doesn't love me back.
It's time for me to let you go."
a.d.c
-
lora was quiet when they moved into the house. she picked a room where there would be good lighting in the middle of the day, near the back of the house. that's where she spent most of her time, whether that be painting or mixing up more concoctions to test out on Alex when she came back with scrapes and bruises from romping in the woods. Kit made his appearances every once and a while, always trying to make her giggle or come on some adventure with him and alex. she always denied, and ended up sending him away because he was too much, or giving an excuse that she needed to keep painting her walls. she realized she felt something for him the last time they took him away. she hid it well, because she knew alex loved him more than anything. she knew their fate was decided before she even arrived. but she couldn't help it. kit was golden like the sun, his hair falling in his eyes while he grinned at her while he sprawled on her bed. "alex wants to go to the river today." he said, raising his eyebrows in a way to suggest that she come with. "well you guys have fun." she had her back turned to him, spreading paint on the wall with a brush. only one wall was fully painted, two opposing night and day schemes crashed together in a bright splash of the colors. lora loved juxtaposition, and she painted with it often. "No! come with, i want you to come." her heart fluttered in her chest, "alex told me to come ask because she's making lunches." lora shook her head. "no thanks, i've gotta finish this chrysanthemum." it was pink and green and yellow, she hadn't even finished half the petals yet. "you seem to be in a good mood today, painting in bright colors." lora looked at him, "this flower has been picked, that's why the end is like that." he nodded, "makes sense." she pursed her lips. "so it's gonna die, and turn old and crack away like ashes." her tone was blank, no emotion. "good point, i'll see ya later," he hopped off her bed and bopped into the hallway. she painted for a while more, opening the windows when the sun crossed to the other side of the house. it was dinner time, and her stomach was growling by the time she finished the flower. she pulled a sweater on over her tank top and walked downstairs into the kitchen. it was always quiet in the house, until meal time. people were setting plates out, throwing cooked spaghetti noodles at each other and squealing when someone brought in a frog. alex walked up to her side and pressed a kiss to her cheekbone, kit following suit and tugging on a strand of her hair. they all laughed while they ate dinner, alex inbetween lora and kit. when dinner was over, lora was the last one in the kitchen cleaning up. she scrubbed every plate by hand with a sponge, and put them away. and when all fifteen plates and pairs of silver ware were put away, she finally had more time to just herself. when she walked into her room though, kit and alex were asleep on her bed. they'd must've come up here to wait for her, not thinking she'd take so long. she tilted her head, looking at them for a minute. their heads resting on eachother, kits arm thrown across alex's waist, their legs looped in on eachother. she turned away and crossed back to the flower. turning on a small bedside lamp for night painting, she started to paint over the flower in black. when kit and alex woke up, there was a large crescent moon painted on the wall, taller than lora herself. she was standing on one foot on the chair, in her pajamas, painting, trying to keep her balance. her tongue was sticking out the left corner of her mouth, signaling the concentration. when she stepped off the chair, there was no trace of the flower. she turned around, paint smeared on her face. "oh - i didn't want to wake you, i figured you would wake up eventually." her voice was quiet. alex wrapped her arms around her and shuffled off to her own room, her yawn audible as she walked down the hallway. "thanks for letting us sleep, that's the first time i've actually fallen asleep in two days." lora chuckled. "i'm running on a half hour nap from thursday, as in three days ago." kits mouth dropped open. "get some sleep kiddo." that's right, she always forgot she was almost five years younger than him, they all seemed so young. she was approaching 19, three years after the initial capture. that was bad.
-
she could remember one night, listening to the scientists speak. "well they only have at least three years, after that they'll all start to weaken." she knew weaken meant that they were going to die. she knew then that she was never going to see her mom or her siblings again, that meant alex and kit were never going to touch eachother. she felt for them, even though she wanted so bad to touch kits hair, his face. but most of all, she wanted to feel the elements again. the sun warming on her skin, both cold and warm rain spraying her as she stood on the beach back home. she wanted to feel the wind run through her hair again. but she knew that was too far to reach, three years too far. she was crushed, every hope that she'd ever had, crushed her dreams. she felt smaller than she ever had in this confined space. at this point, there was no hope left.
-
the three year mark was quick approaching, and Lora didn't know how to stop it. a couple got sick, and she treated them for a week until it got so bad that they just didn't make it. it was three people buried in the back when Kit fell ill. all his light faded. he was no longer her golden boy, he was pale and sickly. she sat by his bedside for three days, while he insisted he was fine. "can we go down to the river today, please lora." lora and alex slung his arms around their shoulders and carried him out to the river, sitting him in a chair with his toes in the water. Lora rolled her pants up from the ankle and sat in the sand. alex walked into the water, getting far enough into the current she couldn't hear what they were saying. "i love her," he said "i love her and now i'm going to die." she looked up at him. "you're not going to die, Christopher" he laughed a little, it sounded like dry sandpaper. "three people have died out of three, my odds aren't looking so good." she felt like crap, her heart hurt. this was the boy she loved and there was no way for her to say anything to him, no way for her to save him. she looked back up at him, how frail he was. there were four more days, and all she could do was sit and watch him go. there was no hope left in her, and all she could do was wait until alex got sick too, and lora was all alone. it was apparent now that she was going to die alone, just like her friends always joked.
-
the five day mark hit, and kit could no longer move his head to look at you. he could still talk, but laying in loras bed was all he was going to do for the last two days. her heart was breaking like porcelain, her eyes felt heavy like stone. she was so tired, of trying to find a cure. something maybe, to help calm his suffering. there was nothing here, nothing to calm his nerves, nothing to end his pain besides a pillow over his face. but she couldn't do that. she wouldn't. alex was becoming sleep deprived, falling asleep as she sat by kit. she didn't look so good either, the sickness would start end of next week at the earliest. they were all just ticking time bombs. and kits timer was at one. when it was the last day, alex lay with kit for the majority, holding his hands while he talked to her. lora knew alex thought this was her fault. and lora would do anything to stop this. lora would rather it be herself. she just wanted kit back. when it came time, lora sat by kits bed, alex holding both of his hands. lora had a pinch of his sweatshirt in between her thumb and index finger. she reached up to feel his forehead, brushing the extra strands away from his forehead. "not long now," he murmured, a smile spreading across his cheeks. "finally," a tear rolled out of loras left eye, dropping into her lap. alex looked like she didn't have any more tears to cry as lora brushed hers away. he whispered his last i love you to alex, as she pressed a kiss to his forehead, rubbing his hand with her thumb. "keep her in line, kiddo." he winked as well as he could. there was her golden boy. she laughed a little, more tears falling. "i will, old fart. i promise. wait for us?" she whispered, and he smiled again. "always." his smile faded away. the boy she loved was dead.
-
alex rose to her feet, and walked out of the room. lora didn't blame her. lora was so overcome with grief, she threw a canvas across the room, smashing it against the wall right above the crescent moon. "they didn't deserve this!" she cried out, falling to her knees with her head in her hands. she had to bury him now, out next to the others. no. she was going to bury him by the river, under the sycamore. she covered his body with her sheet, and turned away from the bed, knocking her end table over and throwing her lamp across the room so the lightbulb shattered. her hands were shaking, and her face was so wet with tears she didn't know if they were ever going to dry off. she and alex carried him out by the river, and they buried him in the earth. strands of his golden hair peeking out from under the sheet, covered in dirt with the next shovel full. when they were finished, all they could do was sit in the grass next to the fresh dirt, and wait for the emptiness to stop.
-
when the next week came, alex was sicker than kit. five more were buried in the field, that's nine. six more to go, all before lora. she was going downhill fast, when she asked lora to end it. "please, end it so i can be with kit. please." lora didn't listen. letting kit go was a horrible loss she never wanted to go through, and now alex. alex and her beautiful pearly smile, her dark hair and her laugh that sounded better than wind chimes. she guessed she loved them both. she loved alex like the moon loves the stars, familial, familiar. she loved kit like the moon loves the stars, eternally but forever out of reach. it was raining on alex's last day, lora holding her hand tight, afraid for once that she would break her. "you're gonna be happy, alex." alex opened her eyes, "im scared lora, im scared to die." lora stroked her face. "it's okay, you're gonna go see kit soon alright? I don't want you to be scared, you're a grizzly. grizzlies are never scared, right?" alex didn't say anything. her best friend was gone, and it was raining. she buried her by herself, out next to kit. she realized now that she wasn't going to have a burial, and she actually was going to die by herself. it was cold in the rain, as she covered alex with dirt. she couldn't tell what were tears and what weren't, and when she was done, she dropped chrysanthemums on their graves. "i've loved you two more than i ever loved myself, you don't need to wait for me, i'll be there next week." she coughed as she stood there, spitting blood into the river. it was starting.
-
she counted down the days, and realized she was going to die on her nineteenth birthday. she laughed remembering how alex and kit said they were going to celebrate for her by taking shots. but here she was taking shots for them, in hopes it wouldn't hurt as much anymore. she got worse as the days went on, the rest of them all passed the same way, and she didn't have as much energy, so she buried them in the same grave. she knew the end was coming close when she could barely walk. she wasn't sure if she was going to starve to death or die of this sickness first. it was getting to the point where she didn't even have enough energy to cough. it was coming to an end, and her last words were the ones she intended them to be. "i'll be there next week." she cracked a blood stained smile as the darkness took her into its loving arms and she was with kit and alex once again.