Scars~ L.T. Fanfic

Chapter 1:

Chapter 1: Nightmares

I slowly ate my food, losing my appetite to the fullness that was taking over in my stomach. I was with my family, my mom, and my dad. We chewed away on the home made meal, my mom made. Clearing our plates as we talked about today, and it's boring events as usual. Stopping in the middle of our sentences to take a bite and continued talking. Dad could be talking about his day at the auto repair shop. He worked there and had a new car to fix everyday meaning there would be a new story everyday. I would talk about my boring classes and test that were way too long. My mother always talked about everyone, or how my grades should be going instead of how they are.

She was a stay at home mom. My dad made enough for us to live off of , and that's all that mattered. That we would stay together.

"Dad can we go out for a cone tonight?" I asked knowing he would say yes. Dad was my favorite parent. My mother always nags, but my dad actually wants nickname that he had given me 14 years ago. From the day that I was born he called me pumpkin. It stuck all 14 years, he never slipped.

"Okay do you want me to start the car?" I questioned as I stood up to put my plate in the sink, leaving it to be washed by either mom or me.

"Go ahead in get in the car." He said handing me the keys. I grabbed my coat and headed out to the garage climbing into our blue pick up truck.

I put the keys in the ignition and turn making the truck roar to life. I let it warm up before I turned on the air conditioner. I grabbed out my phone and played Subway Surfers. I got through 1 run before I heard screaming.

I stopped what I was doing and ran inside to see my father on the floor. My mom on her knees by him stroking his face and begging for him to wake up.

I walked out the back door and ran to my phone. I slowly typed the number. 999. An operator picked up 2 rings later and waited tried to say what's your emergency. I cut them off.

"Help-dad-floor-help" I shouted into the phone not caring how dumb I sounded.

"What? Ma'am calm down. What's your emergency?"

"MY FÜCKING FATHER IS DYING" I screamed and started sobbing. "ARE YOU GOING TO FÜCKING SEND HELP?" I said through my sobs.

"Ye-yes ma'am." I hung up knowing that this nosy arse government would track the call to my house sending help.

* * *

I sat on the cold concrete sobbing as I heard a loud noise. Sirens. The horrible noise that reminded me of my father and his current condition. We did everything together and now we can do nothing. I sobbed into my hands crying like the big baby I was.

I trembled as I stood from the floor slowly making my legs walk toward the garage door. I slowly open it hearing the old door make a creek. I look out to see my dad getting carried away with my mom following. She was sobbing.

I snuck past them not daring to look at my lifeless dad anymore. I made my way to the basement stairs stopping at the top. Crying once more. I sat there for a minute letting in all the negative thoughts enter my mind and take over. None of them relative until one particular.

'He never loved you, he covered his anger with a grin, he thinks your fat and ugly. He has finally given up on your ugly ass. Who are you going to cry to now? Your dad? There's not time for that and it's all because of you. You are the reason that he is dead. You killed him. Your a monster. Who are you going to kill next?'

I stood up once again tears still falling as I made my way up the last level of stairs until my bedroom. It took all my energy to get up the 12 steps that nearly completed my journey to the safety of my bed. I walked down the hall looking at the floor, refusing to look at the pictures that lined the walls. That would constantly remind me of my father.

I opened my door and walked in not closing the door behind me knowing that I was home alone. I let myself get devoured in my old blankets. Slowly curling up into a ball. Crying into my knees. Hoping this was all a dream.

I looked up seeing that my bathroom door was open. The shower was at full display. I looked around the shower until my eyes landed on something that I never wanted to touch. A razor. I quickly turned away begging myself to think of something else. Yet my mind once again thought of the pain that would go away.

How the razor would transform the mental pain into physical pain. How it would do wonders to get my mind off of my father. I walked slowly toward the bathroom, not thinking. It was as if I wasn't in control. Rather the negative thoughts were. The demons that were whispering the thoughts into my head was. I was under their command and i had no say of what would happen.

I grabbed the cheap razor and threw it on the ground. I brought my foot over it stomping on it until it cracked open. The razor was free and I could finally remove the pain the ran through my mind.

I placed the cold metal on my skin and slid it across making a cut. The cold air stung the new wound. I slid it across again to feel more pain. To see more blood. After 7 more cuts I slowly came to a stop. My vision blurred by my tears and black spots. I fell over and laid there helpless. The black spots consumed me...

I woke up covered in sweat and tears. I quickly looked around to see that it was all a dream. Yet it was never a dream it was a nightmare. That nightmare came true 2 years ago. I sat in my bed crying. I looked over at the clock to see it was 3:34 am. I was hopeless to fall back to sleep. Slowly standing up I walked to the shower. Turning the water on and feeling it run down my body.

My peppermint shampoo was next to my razor. As I went to grab it I looked at it and turned away grabbing the shampoo and pouring it into my hands. I returned the shampoo to its spot, looking once more at the razor. No, I can't as tempting as it seems I won't. I turned away trying to fight the thoughts.

"Do it you worthless bitch... nobody will notice... nobody loves you to notice!" I screamed in my head. Knowing the thoughts were the only honest thing anyone has told me in a while.

My hands trembled as I touched it and thought of the pain leaving me once more. Never did i think that I would waste my month of being clean, when I made the first cut. I slightly winced as I haven't done this for a while. I stood there in the now cold water watching the blood mix with it. It was amusing to see how weak I really was.

I turned off the water. Leaving the shower I grabbed a band-aid. Wrapping it around hurt making me wince more. The white fluffy towel on the counter was soon around me as I left the bathroom to go get changed. After a while I fell asleep while watching youtube videos. Reaction Time and Unspeakablegaming are my favorite youtubers. They distract me. From my mistakes. From my life. From my...

Falling asleep... a dreamless one. Hoping never to wake up from my peaceful sleep.

* * *

Hmmmmm. First chapter. A lot of shite happend. I cried while writing this. Omg im such a baby. Anyway I got help by my friends for this so shout out to them... anyway I put night changes because in one night her life changed...

Yes my favorite youtubers are Reaction Time and Unspeakablegaming. What is yours?

~Invisible <3