Hide the Pain

I hate myself.
I never do anything right and when I try to do the best thing, I just end up hurting more people...
I don't want to be this girl, I don't want to be me.
I cut myself, I admit it. But it's my only way to feel, and at least I can control that.
I cry at night, sobs wracking through my body, and trying not to make a sound so my parents don't hear. Not like they'd care anyway. Dads abusive and mums a drunk, what a family huh?
I just don't want my little brother to hear, he is making so much progress in life and he looks up to me, I don't ever want him to know the real me. The broken one.
This girl isn't me...but she is...now I'm just this empty shell...
My friends don't notice anything, I don't even have to cover my scars, they don't look that close, they think that I'm the 'happy girl who knows what she wants in life', when in fact I'm the girl who's dying in the inside and is just trying to make it another day.
No one notices I don't eat much, if anything at all.
I want to tell someone, but then again, I don't...
I don't want them to judge me, I don't want to be sent somewhere to seek help, all I want is a hug to comfort me.
I'm slowly falling apart and I don't know how to stop it.
Is it sad I'm used to being everyone's last choice though? I'm used to being left out of everything, I'm used to hiding my pain and acting like everything is absolutely fine, and I'm sick of it.
Sometimes though, you've just gotta pretend everything is okay.
What's wrong with me?