Heart & Soul

At the very start, we were so happy.
Over the moon in love, overwhelmed by it.
That it drove us insane once
we laid eyes on each other.
Weeks went by in a hurry,
drinks on the table.
Our friends laughing,
all of us having a good time.
Then suddenly, the man I love - the man I intended to start a family with.
Blurred out that he doesn't want children,
it tore my heart right out of my chest.
That's when the smile on my face turned upside down
and I shifted my head in his direction.
Trying to mirror his eyes on mine,
to see if what just came out of his mouth
is perhaps a sick joke.
Hoping he'd laugh and say,
I'm only teasing you honey.
Instead he took a sip of his beer,
and turned his gaze away.
I, I had to excuse myself
before I totally lost my cool.
Told them I'll be back in a moment,
when in actuality I took a cab home.
Crying all the way, rage consumed me.
The fire inside me kept me warm
on a stone cold night.
An hour later, he arrives.
Panting and frantically
running through every inch of the house.
Until he laid eyes on me sitting by the fire place in our living room.
He stopped and stood his position.
As I watched the fire like it was a part of me,
he preceded to take a seat next to me.
In silence we watched as our whole life turned fifty shades of ugly truth.
He reached for my hand,
but as quickly I removed it.
"What's wrong?" He said
that's when I realised ignorance is truly bliss.
Or maybe he truly believed what my mind tries to resist
Unfortunately this blockage wasn't going away anytime soon,
it was just a matter of time,
before the ice broke.
And the next thing I know,
I'm rambling and screaming.
How dare you make a decision like that,
without my knowledge.
To drop a bomb like that in front of our friends,
and knocking the wind out of me.
After I loved you with all my heart,
invested my soul into this relationship.
I thought family was in our cards,
but you gambled it away like a Las Vegas spear of the moment shotgun wedding.
Yes I was furious by the mere thought,
and he tried to explain.
But I only wanted the truth, no excuses no more lies.
Bare your deepest darkest thoughts, once and for all.
And once he told me that from the time he was young until now,
he's never considered having a child of his own.
The love he had for me, was in fact real.
Unlike what my thoughts are trying to tell me at this point, he says LOVE is enough.
That I am enough!
To most woman I think this shocking revelation, would top that.
But as life has come to show me, nothing is more powerful than the love you have for
your child - your spawn - your pride and joy.
Naturally I was hesitant when he tried to touch me,
I felt as though.
A bugler was in my house,
and stole what is precious to me.
Depressed as I was, I couldn't look him in the eyes.
So I went to sleep, crying.
Next morning, he was sleeping next to me.
A complete stranger, at peace under the sheets.
I hopped in the shower,
trying to wash away my sorrows.
When I felt a hand on me, I jumped out of fear.
But he whispered ever so gently
"I'm sorry, I never once thought how you'd feel"
Clearly the understatement of the year,
but it was the way he held me.
That made me find myself in him,
he was no longer a stranger.
He was the man I fell in love with,
my companion - my best-friend.
We kissed and had the hottest make up sex.
But the elephant in the room kept growing,
for every breakfast I'd go in my solitary of confinement.
Few months went by without any meaningful conversation or a loving jester.
Whenever I'm out with the girls,
I'd come home to a jealous man.
And we'd fight and solve it with mad sex.
Until one day I came home to a disturbing phone call.
He had left me a voice mail saying
"I don't think this thing will work. You and I.
We're to far apart, I no longer see the woman I love. And it breaks my heart,
to even think of giving this up but it's crazy to keep going on like this"
Before I heard the rest I ran as fast as I could,
stoping in my tracks.
There he was staring at nowhere, drinking whisky.
I joined him, sat for a minute.
When I finally broke the silence
" so that's it?"
I said with a bucket of tears.
"You're giving up on us?"
He got mad when I blankly accused him for being a coward.
He screamed, I screamed even more.
At this point I'm frantically pacing back and forth.
When he said
"this is unhealthy, I don't know if I can do this anymore, love"
I starred at the view, from the window.
Hand on my mouth, at a daze.
When I heard the last word.. love.
I fell on the floor,
he ran to catch me as he also fell on the floor
holding around me.
I cried, he cried.
" I love you, invested my heart and soul."
Whispering into my ear,
I suggested we'd go to a therapist.
He agreed and we've managed to get through the year.
I changed him,
all he could think about was the baby in my belly.
Constantly rubbing my feet,
he was happier than I'd ever seen him.
Only it was my imagination,
to fill the void of losing him.
Love, is not everlasting.
That was my lesson to learn.
Maybe the distance made his heart go fonder,
but out of the clear blue sky.
A knock at my door, he stood there.
More handsome then I remember, with a dozen roses.
"Heart and soul"
I smiled and hugged the life out of him,
that was the day I realised.
True love conquers all, he changed me.
But we filled our love with the emptiness of losing touch within our foundation.
Compromise was our greatest link,
children paved the way.
He is happy, I am in love.

Xoxo, Tessa'LaBelle