Niall Horan Imagines •2017•

1) I miss you! (suicide)

⚠️This is my first imagine so no hate please. Also, this imagine does contain suicide so if you are sensitive to this type of stuff then I wouldn't read this otherwise, Enjoy!⚠️

3 years. 3 years since my boyfriend of 4 years decided to take his life.

Niall was always the one who got hate within one direction, he always got told that he didn't belong, he couldn't sing, or he was ugly. He'd always come home from recording putting on a brave face which I knew too well, was just a mask, and whenever I'd ask him "What's going on?" Or "Ni, babe, What's bothering you?" He would just say "it's nothing." And go to sleep.
He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, it was only on the day that he took his life that I finally knew.
He would miss out eating at any opportunity, skip interviews and refuse to leave the house. I missed the happy, go-lucky Niall. The boy who I fell in-love with. The one who made me get butterflies in my stomach whenever his name was mentioned, or whenever he was around. The boy who I called my boyfriend...nothing's changed since.

I woke up one morning to find that Niall was no longer by my side, instead a folded A4 piece of paper with the words "To y/n, my princess xx" on the front. Immediately, I opened it to find that this wasn't a love letter, or a quick note to say "I've nipped to the shops, be back in a few!" Like he usually did, But a goodbye note. I read that note, slowly, taking in every word as if I was revising a piece of text, with tears pricking the corners of my eyes, that every now and then would make an appearance.
My body going cold, and numb, as I finished the note reading the words "although I am gone in person, I will always be in your heart. All of my love, hugs and kisses, from Nialler <3". At this point, tears were streaming down my face, staining my pale cheeks as I hugged the only piece of Niall that was here, his 'crazy mofo's' v-neck shirt.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts, cautiously, I peeled off the covers, letting my feet touch the cold, laminate flooring as I made my way towards the front door. Opening it I was faced with two police officers, asking if they could 'Have a talk with me' immediately I knew this was about Niall, and I was right.

I stared out the window to see 100's of people outside our gates, laying flowers, and cards of peoples' condolences. Immediately out of no where I screamed in anger "oh so now you care, you wouldn't have cared a week ago, so why start caring now? , huh?, cause he's now dead and never coming back??..." without thinking, I picked up a photo frame with a picture of us on our first date and threw it across the living room. I watched it fly across the room, almost like time was going in slow motion , hitting the wall smashing into 1000's of tiny pieces of glass. Usually I would expect to hear Niall running down the hall way, after hearing such a loud noise, by my side, giving me one of his famous "Horan hugs" and constantly asking "are you hurt princess? Do you need to go to A&E". But no. No more "Horan hugs". No more hearing the name "Princess" in his thick, Irish accent. No more having to cook dinner for two...and worst of all. Never getting to be named Mrs Horan and having mini y/n's or mini Niall's running around the house like he promised.
Now, three years on, I have still not recovered from his loss. In his note it said "When I'm gone, don't sit there missing me or hugging onto my sweater, I want you to move on, I want you to find a loving boyfriend/ husband, have kids and move on" And although I've been on several dates, even with Harry and Liam, I couldn't commit. Every year on his birthday or Valentine's Day, or any day I could I would go to his grave and just talk to him. I would sit for hours on end, through wind and rain, heatwaves and thunderstorms, just talking like we used to, I would tell him about my dates, and how they will never compare to you and the most important thing is i'll never forget to say "I miss you" before I leave because it's true. I miss you Nialler and I'll never forget you.