Gunaah (The Sin)

Part 1

Antara's pov...

I looked down to the bed where the beautiful red and green lehenga was kept. My momma used to say that, "shadi ka zora har kisi larki ka sapna aur garoor hota hain..." but the thing was that it was nothing for me but only disaster. I felt numb, lifeless all over. For these whole days I was fighting with those wretched people. I took oath not to bend down in front of them anyhow but the situation was making me to do the thing which I despise with my whole fiber. I hate them, with my each and every breath, my each and every heartbeat, with my whole life. But if I didn't do that they would kill my little brother ishan, my mamma- mummy and my sister rhea too!! They had captivated them!! It was all my fault. I never wanted them to get involved in my battle. I didn't even said a single word to anyone rather than rhea. But still they used them against me. "antara!!..." ruksana, who was seating behind me kept hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes to shut the tears which was about to flow down my eyes. no!! it wasn't the time to be weak. I had to be strong. That was literally a do or die situation for me. "what's the matter ruksana?!" I asked keeping my voice firm. "you know what I want to tell you. I am saying the same thing again and again. ye kaisi zid hain teri?! Aisa koi karta hain?!" her voice was chocked. "so what can I do else ruksana?! Tum batao kya karoon main?!! Aur koi rasta bacha hain mere liye?!" I asked snapping back to her. her eyes became still as soon as she saw my face. perhaps she detected the hidden tears in my eyes. "rasta nahin hain?!! arey rasta tere samne hain antara... par tu hain ki baar baar ulti taraf chalna chahti hain... meri baat maan le antara..bas ek baar ussey bula le... woo aa jayega antara... aur agar woo aa gaya naa too inn kiro ki kya mazal ki tujhe choo payein?!!" she said in frustration. "huh!!..." I mocked a laugh. "woo kyun ayega ruksana?! Aur woo bhi mere liye?!..." my gaze became hard, "tum sayad bhool rahi hoo ki woo ab jail mein hain... aur maine hi ussey arrest karwaya hain... jis larki ne uski zindagi barbaad kardi ussey bachane woo kyun ayega ruksana?!" I said in steal hard voice. I felt each and every fiber of my feature is burning in unbearable firee of pain. He wouldn'y come. Never!! I closed the door myself through which he could come near me. Perhaps he came to know everything by that moment. So there was no point for him to come and save me! No way antara!! he wouldn't come. Someone screamed inside me and shattered my heart into several pieces. But surprisingly a single tear didn't escape my eyes. it seemed like my all tears had been dried. "antara!!... tune kabhi ussey samjha hi nahi... arey jail jate waqt bhi raghu sirf tujhe dhoond raha tha... ye jaan te huye bhi ki tumne ussey arrest karwa diya!! Woo baar baar machmach se aur mujhse yahin kahe raha tha ki ussey tujhse milna hain.. bas ek baar tujhse milna hain!!... par naa police ne ussey allow kiya naa tum uske saamne ayi! aura b kya sabot chahiye antara... abhi bhi tujhe kyun samajh nahi atta ki woo tujhse..." ruksana was about to say the same words again which I hated most. "BASSS!!..." I screamed loudly towards her, "chup ho jaon ruksana... baar baar ekhi baat kyun kahete rahete hoo.. tum sayad bhool rahe hoo ki daya mai aur raghu ki wajah se hi aaj main apne pure family ko kho chuki hoon... main iss basti mein ayi hi thi unn logon ko unke kiye ki saza dene... unhe pure duniya ke saamne expose karne.. aur maine woo kar dikhaya ruksana... jail mein bhej diya hain maine unn logon ko... unka kala dhanda aaj pure sahar ke samne expose ho gaya hain... aura bb mujhe kuch ho bhi jayein to mujhe koi parwa nahin!! Maine apna kaam poora kar liya..." I said with a smirk looking towards the wall. "antara!! tu pagal ho gayi hain... badle ki aag mein tujhe kuch dikhayi nahi de raha hain... main raghu ko achii tarah se jaan ti hoon... woo kisi ka hath pair kuch bhi tor sakta hain... maar maar ke koma mein bhi bhej sakta hain par khooni nahin hain woo... zaroor kuch garbar huyi hain antara!.." ruksana said. "kuch garbar nahin huyi hain ruksana... maine khud dekha ussey apne akhon se... woo tha wahan pe... Kashmir mein.. usi din, usi jagah... Jis din ne mujhse meri sari khusiya chin li..." I felt lump on my throat. That sound of boom and fire. Please someone weep my memory. I couldn't face that anymore. My mind screamed. "mujhe nahin pata antara ki usdin kya huya tha... Daya mai uss blast ke piche thaa ye to main ankh bandh kar ke yakeen kar sakta hoon... woo too hain hi nagin!! Par raghu!!!...zarror ussey fasaya gaya hain antara... mer baat sun antara... ekbaar uske pass chal... Raghu ki baat sun le... I know ki sab kuch clear ho jayega..." ruksana said. "bass ruksana... nahin sun na hain mujhe uska naam!!... tum mujhe aur kamzor mat karo ruksana... aur ek baat sun lo.. chahein kuch bhi ho jayein... Main apne momma-pappa ke katil se kabhi help nahin loongi..." I said loudly. "to kya iska matlab tum uss phata poster satya naik se shadi karogi???!!! Antara kya ho gaya hain tumhe??" ruksana screamed out of breath. I bit my lips to control the overflow again. "antara tum jaanti hoo... ye sab satya tumse badla lene ke liye kar raha hain... apne insult ka badla.. apni maa daya naik ka badla le raaha hain woo tumpe... narak bana dega woo tumhari zindagi antara.." ruksana was having tears in her eyes. "main uss shaitan se khusi ki ummed bhi nahi karti hoon ruksana... mujhe sab maloom hain ki woo aisa kyun kar raha hain... par main mazboor hoon... mamma, mummy, rhea, ishan sab uske kabze mein hain... agar aaj main mandap mein nahin gayi too unn sab ko woo maar dalega.." I said in dry voice. "antara!! mat kar aisa.. ek baar raghu se baat kar le... woo sab bhool kar aa jayega... agar aaj tujhe iss shaitan se koi bacha sakta hain too woo raghu hain..." ruksana said again. I looked at ruksana firmly and smirked, "tumhe kya laga ruksana... satya naik mujhe itni jaldi hasil kar lega?! Tab too usne antara kaul ko jana hi nahin... maine bhi shart rakhi hain... ki mandap mein agar woo mere mamma, mummy, rhea aur ishan ko mere akhon ke samm ne unke kaid se azad karna parega... tab hi main uss sey shadi karungi... warna mujhe goli maar de for bhi main uss sey shadi nahin karungi.." I said. "too isme kya fayda antara?!! tumhari family ke log to bach jayengey.. par tumhara kya hoga?! Fas jayogi tum uss haywan ke hatho..." she said in chocked voice. "aisa kabhi nahi hoga ruksana... tumhe kya laga ki satya naik chal kar ayega aur mujhse shadi kar lega... nahin ruksana! Kabhi nahin... iss naik family ki hare k insaan se main nafrat karti hoon!!... inhi logo ke wajah se mere momma pappa mujhse door hain aaj... aur ussi naik family ki bte se main shadi karungi??? Hargis nahin!!" I said in hard voice. my determined eyes were fixed to the wall. "antara kya chal raha hain tumhare dimag mein... Main jaan ti hoon... chup baithne walo mein se tum nahin hoo... mujhe dar lag raha hain tumse..." she said in shaking voice. I smiled and looked towards her. she was startled looking at my face. I went near her and gave a tight hug hiding my shattered face and overflowing tears from her. "antara!!..." she said in confusion and hugged me back. "thank you truksana!! Thank you ki tumne aur machmach ne humesha mera sath diya... har kadam harm or pein... momma papa ke jane ke baad mere life mein kuch nahi bacha tha... iss basti mein aneke baad mere sath kuch acha huya too woo hain ki main tum dono se milli... main sach mein bahut lucky hoon ki mujhe tum jaise dost mile..." I said pouring my heart. My voice was chicking due to overflow but I tried to keep them firm. "antara tum aisi bateibn kyun kar rahe hoo... Kya ho gaya hain tumhe?!!" she said in worried voice. I closed my eyes and hugged her tighter. How could I say that it was the last time when I was meeting her? I couldn't tell her that. I knew she would never let me do that. "kuch nahin..." I sighed and removed tears from the corner of my eyes. I broke the hug and looked at her confused and as well as worried face. "kuch nahin... Tum ab jaon... nahi too tumhari ammi aur arshad bhaijaan pareshan ho jayengey..." I said her with a smile. "nahin antara.. main tumhe iss halat mein nahin chor sakti.. main nahin jaungi.." she said stubbornly. "ruksana!!.." I held her shoulder firmly. "trust me... Main ye sab tumhari bhalayi ke liye hi kahe rahi hoon... iss naik sadan naam mein itni der rahena tumhare liye khatra ban sakta hain..." I said. "aur tumhara kya hoga antara..." she asked in worry. "ruksana.. agar tum mujhe sach mein apni dost maan ti hoo to tum yahan se abhi ke abhi chali jaogi..." I said in firm voice. ruksana looked at my eyes for a while and then slowly moved towards the door. "antara!.." she suddenly looked back. "main tumhe kahena bhool gayi thi... raghu jail se bhag gaya hain..." she said with a small smile. "what??!!!" I felt the ground beneath my feet slipped and I stood there stunned, frozen by the sudden news. "duniya mein aisa kaun sa jail hain antara jo raghunath naik ko kaid rakh sake... aur agar woo bahar aa chukka hain too woo tumhare pass zaroor ayega!! Chahein woo aaj ho ya kaal... tab tum uska saamna kaise karogi ye tumhe hi tai karna parega..." Ruksana said and moved out from my vision. I stood there keeping my blank gaze towards the door for sometimes. After some moments, I slowly came back to the bed and lifted the bedsit. I took out the little bottle and stared at that for a while. It was the same bottle of poison which I brought from hospital. I had already decided, after that monster left my mama-mummy and others free I am going to swallow the full bottle. That monster could never get me!! No matter what happened I would never surrender my soul to that devil!!! I closed my eyes and remembered the face of my momma and pappa. "I am coming pappa... I am coming to you and momma so soon. Now I don't have any regrets. I took my revenge on them. now I just want to sleep on your lap just like before momma! I am missing your warm feeling so much..." I said silently as stupid tears were again about to flow down my chicks. Why should I cry?! I was about to meet my momma pappa so soon. I went towards the bed and grabbed the lehenga. The lehenga which was going with be my funeral attire rather than my bridal dress. What a joke of life. after sometimes when I got outside of bathroom wearing that lehenga, I didn't looked for the once in the mirror. I didn't have any interest to see how I was looking in that attire. I quickly hid the bottle of poison on my lehenga. i was waiting that when they would come to fetch me for my last few steps of miserable life when I heard a voice which grounded me to the spot. "bari khoobsurat lag rahi hain!! bappa me sach mein bari fursat se banayi hain tujhe..." his voice roamed from my back and blood drooped from my face. it couldn't be!!! how come he enter inside my room?!! Was I hallucinating? Those several thoughts roamed in my mind. my heart rushed madly for some reason. Fear?!! excitement?!! I didn't know why. I reached at the point beyond understanding and sensing something. with wide eyes and dried mouth I moved back to search the source of the voice. I saw him seating on the desk placed near the open window and playing with that gun in his hand. So he moved in through that open window. His eyes were fixed on the gun in his hand which he was rolling casually like usual. Raghu!!! the name shivered down my spine. So he was here at last. "tum yahan kya kar rahe hoo?!!" I tried to keep my voice firm but it shook. His jaw hardened at that instant. Giving a big jerk to the gun in his hand he held the barrel upward and looked to the wall with emotionless face. After a small pause he looked to me. Those hard emotionless killer eyes again gave another doze of jerk in my nerves. My whole feature shook. He slipped down from the desk and stood on his feet tucking the gun in his blue jeans. He looked towards my wide eyes with that unreadable gaze for a moment and let out that mocking, dangerous, killer and yet irresistible signature smirk of him. I felt another doze of cold wave run down my spine. I reminded myself several times that I had to be steady in front of him. he was the same man who was the messenger of death for my whole family. but still he managed to made me weak with his each and every dominating presence. "kya plan banaya hain missscall!!... apun ko fasa ke daal diya salakhon ke andar aur khud idhar uss Bandar se shadi kar raii hain... s**e sahi kahete hain log... Mat fasa kar khubsurat larki o ke jaal mein..." He mocked a laugh. So I was right. He didn't know anything!! he thought that I ditched him and going to marry that monkey satya!! Well why should he care?! "tumhe iss sey kya?!! Mujhe tumhari kisi bhi baton ka jawab nahi denaa..." I managed to say at last. "nahin dena matlab... jawab dena paregaa miss call!!..." with that sentence, he moved towards me with heavy pace. "yahan mat aao.. door raho mujhse.." I said in worried voice keeping a step backward. But he didn't even bother and continued to come near me with his pace. "ab door rahene ko kahe rahi hain?!! S**a galti apun ki hi thi... Pagla gaya tha tere piche!!..." he came so close to me and my mouth dried looking at his blazing eyes. I felt like burning while looking dumbly towards his fiery gaze. Just at the moment my back bumped to the wall making my breath hitch. I wanted to run away but he instantly caged me in his arms. All I could do was to gaze inside his dangerous killer eyes with dry mouth, just like a feeble dear caged by a hungry mad lion. He moved his face closer to me. His hard eyes never left mine. I literally stopped breathing. While looking deeply in my eyes I suddenly felt a slight tenderness in them. it confused me. What was that?! "kyun?!!" his voice roamed in my ears and that literally fluttered my heart badly. The voice seemed helpless and torned rather than angry. "kyun apun ke sath aisa kiya?!... tere ko kya kuch samajh nahi ata tha?! Mazak lagta tha woo sab?!!..." his voice was rising bit by bit. I already lost my voice. "arey marne maar ne pe tulka tha tere liye... jaan ban gayi thi tu meri... Kitni baar samjha ne ki koshis ki par tune ek baar bhi apun ka ishara nahin samjha... fi jisdin sidhe baat pe ayyaa... apna dil khol ke tere saam ne rakh diya ussi din... ussi din tune mujhe arrest karwa diya... YE SAB TERA PLAN THA NAA?!!!" he screamed like mad and shook my shoulder. I became numb by his rage. "bahut bara khel khela tune... mere ko ungli pe nachaya... par tere dil mein too kuch aur hi tha... Warna Kashmir ke uss bomb blast ke case mein mere ko aur mai ko kyun fassa diya?!! Haan huya tha udhar bomb blast... par tujhe kya?!!..." his voice shook my inner sould again which was dumb. I felt like I was regaining my strength again. so didn't know anything clearly about that blast!! What an irony!! "tune apun ko fassa diya uss bomb blast ke chakkar mein aur idhar uss satya se shadi kar rahi hain... tub hi same to same nikli... Matlabi aur dhokebaaz..." his words hit me badly. Enough!!! My inner self groaned. "BASSS!!! BAHUT HO GAYA!!!" I gathered my all courage and pushed his hard frame with all my power. He looked at me startled by that sudden push. "bahut bol liya tumne... Ab chup ho jaon... matlabi hoon na main... dhokebaaz hoon... to tumh kya?!! Agar matlabi aur dhokebazz bani hoon to tumhari aur tumhari daya mai ki wajah se... warna shrinagar mein rahene wali ek mamuli larki kabhi bhi aise aag se nahin khelti meri tarah... dhokebaaz haan?!! Ek baat batao raghu... maine tumhe dhoka kab diya?!! Arey maine tumse kabhi koi rista hi kab zora ki main tumhe dhoka doon..." I said loudly. he seemed froze. I continued, "ek baat bataoo... kya maine kabhi bhi tumhare kareeb jane ki koshis ki... kabhi tumpe interest dikhaya?! Main humesha tumse door rahena chahti thi... woo tum hi the jooo baar baar mere kareeb atein rahe... mere bina chahte huye bhi meri madat karte rahe... maine tumhe warn kiya tha raghu ki mujhse koi rista mat zoro... mere liye mumkin nahin hain tumse koi rista zorna.." I spit out the words in my broken voice. "kyun??!!" he again caught my shoulder and said loudly. "kyun nahin hain zara bata mere ko?... apun gunda hain... maar pit karta hain iss liye?!... arey too woo satya kaun sa dudh ka dhula hain?... tu to sab jaan ti hain for bhi aisa kyun kar rahi hain.. kyun uss sey rista jor rahi hain?!!" he said in frustration. "rista?!!" I mocked out a laugh. "main tum naik family ke kisi bhi member se koi bhi rista nahin jor sakti... specially unn logon se too bilkul nahin jinhone meri zindagi barwad ki hain!!..." I said greeting my teeth. "arey dekh misscall... Baat ko jalebi ki tarah mat ghumaa... dekh sidhe sidhe bata... Apun ka dimag sanka huya hain..." he toned down his voice a bit but still there was tremendous anger. I looked directly towards his face. "3rd june ko Kashmir ki uss house boat mein jo blast huya uske barein mein too jaan hi chuke hoge ab tak... " I frowned. He sighed and lowered his face a bit still keeping a firm grip on my tiny shoulder. "dekh misscall!!.." he said, "apun sach bata raha hain... yakeen kar mera.. apun ko pata naii tha mai itne salon taka pun ka bas istemaal kar raha tha... arey woo too jail mein jane ke baad sara pol khulla... udhar ja kea pun ko pata chala ki jo packet apun uss house boat pe rakh ke aya tha usmein bomb tha... Sach kahe raha hoon... Apne ko kuch khabar naii thi uss bomb ke barein mein...yakeen kar apun kaa.." he said urgently. "huh!! Jaise tum kahoge aur main maan jaungi..." I said mocking a laugh again. "arey tuu... apun kaise yakeen dilayein tere ko... par ek baat bata... Tujhe uss blast ko leke kyun pari hain... akhir tere sar pe bomb foota kya?!!" he said in basty voice again boiling my blood. I gave him a hard gaze which again surprised him. "tum ye too jaan te hi hoo ki uss blast mein mr mansukhani, jo ki tumhari daya mai ka target tha woo nahin mare the..." I asked. "haan woo news mein bata raha tha ki mansukhani ne last moment mein woo... Cancel karwa diya tha... Kissi kashmiri family ki maut ho gayi uske jagah par..." he said scratching his head. "WOO MERI FAMILLY THI..." I said in silent but yet steal hard voice. he seemed frozen again. With a deep breath he looked to my eyes which were surely looking red. Tears were about to come out which I was suppressing with so much effort. "haan mr raghunath naik... uss blast ne mujhse meri puri family chin li... mere pappa, meri momma, noor appa... par afsoos ki sirf main bach gayi..." I said shoving away his hands from my shoulders. "ab pata chala mr raghunath naik ki main kyun tumse koi rista nahin jor sakti siwayein nafrat ke??!!" I asked hardly looking into his vulnerable face. for a little moment I felt something tender for him inside me looking at her poor face but I was literally boiling up in my suppressed anger for long time. "samajh mein aa raha hain kuch?! Socho ki mujeh kaisa laga hoga jab tum baar baar mere karee bane ke koshis karte the, kaisa laga hoga mujhe jab tumne ussi hatho se mujhe chua jis hathon se tumne woo bomb deliver kiya jis bomb ne meri family ki jaan li!!..." I literally screamed at the last sentence. He was still observing me in his frozen state. a sad laugh came out from my mouth. "aur tum kahe rahe hoo ki main matlabi hoon, dhokebaaz hoon... arey jis mein jine ki aas hi naa hoo woo kisey kya dhoka dega.. kaun si matlab banaya... main aaj tak bas issi liye jee rahi thi taa ki tumhe aur tumhari daya mai ko unki kiye ki saza de sakoon... woo to maine kar diya... expose kar diya tumhari mai ko puri duniya ke saamne... aur ab mere sath kuch ho ya naa hoo mujhe koi parwa nahin hain..." I said in hard voice. "tuu kahenaa kya chahti hain?!!..." he said at last in a shaking voice. I smiled sadly towards him and he seemed startled again. "tumhe kya lagta hain main khud apni marzi se satya se shadi kar rahi hoon... Kaid kar liya hain usne meri mamma mami aur mere bhai behen ko... aur shart rakha hain ki woo tab unhe chorengey jab main usssey shadi karungi.." I said. "ee pagal ho gayi hain kya tuu?!! Uss jallad se shadi karne jaa rahi hain... naaiii tu aisa kuch naii karegi... Apun tere ko karne nahi dega..." he got back his voice again and I saw a hard determination in his face. "tumhe kuch karne ki zarurat nahin... Tumhe kya laga ki main satya se shadi kar loongi... no way!!... mere parents ne mujhe kissi bhi halat mein apni zameer bechna nahin sikhaya... main bas wait kar rahi hoon ki kab woo mere mamma mummy aur baki o ko chor de.. fir..." I paused. "fir kya haan?!!... ab kaun si khichri pak rahi hain tere dimag mein?!!" he asked increasing his frustrated voice. he seemed worried. Worried for me??!! Huh!! For some moment I thought should I tell him or not. Then I decided to tell. At least he would feel the great satis faction seeing his enemy's ultimate defeat. I brought out the bottle and held near his eyes. he looked at the bottle for a moment and suddenly he chocked and looked towards me with wide eyes. "eee to..." He couldn't say further as someone banged in the door from outside. "antara ji... Aap ready hain kya?!! Aap ko niche bula raha hain..." it was buntiya's voice. I chocked in fear and looked at front. I saw raghu had already reached near window. He gave a look towards me. I saw something in those eyes, a keen determination and possessiveness. With silent look he went down outside. I gasped and rushed towards the door.