Chapetrr 1:
wun daye MoistPhan and MoistShyland werr walking to theyr'e friands house when thay fell of the muntain pathe on the way and fel into Shreks swamp.
Insatatntly Shrek wase notofiad that ppl had intuudid his swampe so he poot on his battle armur and saddled up Dankey fur war.
MoistPhan sat uup and admirred the fall thate theye fel but then reilized that MoistShyland wasnt' mooving so he went to se what had happeneed. MoistShyland hade broken her collarebonez and wus inz grete painz.
MoistPhan didnit knowe what to dooz and wus staretung to panikk when Shreek burste into the swampu on Danky in his onion armurr screeming the ogre war criye swinging his laierd sword aroond.
MoistPhan screemed and ranz awey from Shreks mighty onion sword leeving MoistShyland on teh gruund defenzless. MoistShyland wus aboot too be killed whin Shrek notised her un teh gruund and stohped his maighty roar.
He leand down und gentley pucked her up wuth his grete ogre hands and azzesed teh damage on her boddie. Wunze he relized that hur colarbonez wurr brocken, he rubd onion potiun and instanalyy theiy wer fexed.
MoistPhan came out frum his haiding place and worlked up too Shrek and kneelt duwn befor him and sayd, "I am idebted to youz oh maightii Shrek, wat can I du to repae yuu?"
Shrek considurd a moement then seid: "Yuu can be my slayve for teh rest ov yur dayes, MoistPhan."
MoistShyland got up frome the gruund and cryed out, "No Shrek, taek me, I am a oldur squire und I maike a meen wede rat stuw!"
Shrek conziderrd the offur, then he converzedd with Danky aboot it.
10 minutes latr, Shrek came bake and sayed: "I choose MoistShyland becuz I luv wede ratt stuw AND Danky tolde meh thate MoistShyland has all teh MCR songz. Also I hav no ned for Yung Squires like urslef, MoistPhan becuz yu werr born clossr to mi secund muvie not mai furst whech we all know is teh best."
MoistPhan ranz towardz MoistShyland but he wuz to latee becuz Shrek reacheed oot hez mighty Ogre handz and tuk huld of MoistShyland and put her on Danky.
"Nooo, ShrekLord taek meeee!" MoistPhan cried oot, with tear in his aiys.
Shrek leand down and whisperred into his eer, "This is my swamp." thenz he, MoistShyland and Danky rans oof intuu the distanse, never seen again.
MoistPhan climbded up the muntain to get to teh path again and wunce he got therr, he stoped to listunn.
"Wen I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching band,"
MCR was blarring frum teh centr of teh swamp und MiostPhan cood smel wede rat stuw.
Ovrr teh yeers, MoistPhan made up teh Shrek cult and maneged to maek Shrek a dank meme in teh howpes thate wood notice him and taek hem to teh swamp to be wuth MoistShyland agin.
But Shrek nevvr did.
