I walk down the bright hospital hall towards the cafeteria. I check my watch: 6:32 p.m. It's time for dinner. I walk through the heavy brown double-doors and see doctors running around, frantically trying to get food to all the patients. But I'm pretty much my family's doctor. I care for them more than the doctors do. I grab four stacked trays and lay them out flat on the counter. I grab bread and vegetables and put an even amount on each of them. I balance them in my hands and walk towards the exit. I walk slowly, trying hard not to trip or spill the food.
I reach Liam and Logan's room and push my way through with my back. They're there, laying in their beds. They both have comic books in their hands and are reading each others', laughing every two seconds at some joke that I don't get. I hand them their food and start to walk out the door.
"I just wanted to thank you for everything you do for us, you're such a sweet sister." Liam says sarcastically. Logan snickers. I roll my eyes and open my mouth to shoot a retort back at him but before I can, Logan pulls a string and a big ball of melted wax shoots at me. I stumble backwards.
"Well at least I'm not dead like you!" I scream in their direction, not thinking about my words before they're out of my mouth. I try to take it back but I have nothing to say. They aren't dead yet, but they will be soon. I can't find the words to apologize, so I just walk out of their room. I walk towards the bathroom and set my parents' food on the counter. I wash the wax off my face and look at my image in the mirror.
I look awful. My hair is matted and I have white streaks running vertically on my face, surrounded by dirt. I scrub my face with soap and rinse it off. I look a little better but not much. I run my fingers through the knots in my hair. Presentable. Barely. I grab the food trays and walk out the door. I walk down the hall to my parents room. I open the door and walk in.
I see them and they're doing what they always do. Laying in bed doing absolutely nothing. Well they're probably thinking, fearing their deaths, but that doesn't count as doing anything.
I walk over to them and hand them their food. My mom nods her head in approval and my dad thanks me and gives me a big hug. I love them both so much. I don't know how I'll be able to live with myself once they're gone. I leave the room and let them eat. I need to calm down from my encounter with my twin brothers and then apologize. I walk outside and start to run around the building.
---
Now that I've been able to run and clear my head, I feel awful for saying that to them. I really need to tell them that I'm sorry before it's too late. I walk through the hospital's double doors and jog through the halls to their room. I open the door slowly, ready for any outburst from them. They just lay silently in their beds, sleeping soundly. I walk over and see that both of their chests are still. No! I assume it's some sort of prank and I try to shake Liam awake. He stays completely still.
"Logan! Liam!" I yell in their ears, trying desperately to wake them. The machine next to their bed starts beeping loudly. An alarm goes off in the halls. Tears stream down my cheeks. I lean towards them.
"I'm sorry" I whisper in a choked voice. Three doctors come into the room and pull me out. I don't struggle because I don't have reason to. They set me down in the hall and I slump against a wall and cry. I want to stop the tears, I want to be strong, but I can't. I'm awful. My last words to my brothers were "at least I'm not dead like you." I can't believe myself. I put my head in my hands and pull on my hair. I wish I could take it back. I wish they wouldn't have died.
"Why did they have to die?!?!?!?" I scream at no one in particular. A random nurse gives me a pity-filled look, but it's also a look that tells me she thinks I'm insane. But I don't care. I try to move off the wall. I feel stuck, like gravity is pushing me down and it won't ever give me mercy. No one in this world ever gives me mercy. I won't give myself mercy. Not now, not ever. Because of what I've done. I will never forgive myself. I'll live with my regrets.
