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Guilty. One word that i'm feeling right now.
Naguguilty ako. Naniniwala kasi ako sa kasabihang, 'walang sekretong hindi nalalantad'. Nakakatakot.
Ayokong malalaman niya ang totoo after a long time.

Minabuti kong mas sabihin sa kanya ito nang mas madali.

"Imithus.I'm a girl"
*seen*
*sends like emoji*
"Zhaidan naguguluhan ako. I wanna quit"
"Saan?" Muntanga kong tanong sakanya.
"In this fucking dummy world. Naguguluhan ako sa gender mo. Yun lang naman gusto kong malaman eh. Kung lalaki ka ba talaga o babae. Mahirap bang sagutin yan?"

OO! Punyeta oo! Sapagkat mahirap at makasalanan!

"Fine. Lalaki nga talaga ako Imithus babe. Ok? In this living that's full of 'kdrama world' 'kpop world' 'earth' 'etc world' let's create US in this 'dummy world' I love you already Imithus"

"Ok Baby 😚. But please, tell me the truth"
"I'm scared"
"Wag ka ngang matakot Zhaidan hahaha!!!"
"Babae talaga ako"
*seens*
*sends an emoji like*
"You mad Loves?"
"PUTANGINA ZHAIDAN! SINO BA NAMAN KASI ANG DI MAGAGALIT! PINAGMUMUKHA MO AKONG TANGA!"
"I'm sorry! I told you i'm scared that after i'll tell you about nothing but the whole truth you'll hate me and ignore me! I'm sorry Loves! Sorry! 😚"
"Wag mokong halikan. Di tayo talo *sends an emoji like*"
What she said broke my feelings.

"SEE?! YAN NA NGA BA ANG SINASABI KO EH! AS EXPECTED! YOU WILL BE IGNORNING ME AFTER THIS TRUTH! FUCK IT IMITHUS!"
"SINO BA KASING DI MAGAGALIT?! ZHAIDAN, PINAGMUKHA MO AKONG TANGA!"
"I'm sorry. Sorry 😭. Sorry Imithus! 😭 sorry for yelling at you! 😭"
"Sorry Zhaidan. And by the way, ayokong tomboy ang bf ko"

That words. That sentence. 💔.
It silenced my feelings. It silenced my brain for a bit. My feeling is different. Am I being emotional?

At bigla siyang nag-out.

I was seriously expecting this.
I thought--- it was just my THOUGHT.

"Sorry really Imithus. Please forgive me"

Online pa pala siya...

"Patatawarin kita only if you'll send your picture"

ANAKNGPTA!

"Wala na akong pakialam kung mapapatawad mo ako o hindi, pag sinabi kong ayoko, ayoko talaga. Basta ang alam ko, I wasn't just saying sorry. I'm saying sorry, a sorry that is full of sincerity."

*sent*
*active 1 minute ago*

She left me. Broke.

"Im reall sorry Imithus. And by the way, salamat sa pagtawag saakin ng 'Baby'. Salamat sa panandaliang kilig. Salamat at pinayagan mo akong ligawan kita for about an hour. At, thanks for changing my emotion from being happy to being emotional for about 15 minutes. I wasn't joking when I said i'll court you. All I said was true except for my gender. I'm sorry for lying Imithus. I was just scared that if you'll know the truth, you'll ignore me and *sighs* my instincts weren't wrong.
I'm sorry. I love you but I can't. I'm really really sorry Babe. Always remember that you'll always have a special place in my heart.
Lastly, I love you, Baby"

Natawag naman na akong Baby, pero iba ang naramdaman ko nung ginawa niya yun.
I find it clìche. But when I experienced it, I have eaten the word clìche.
Thank you Imithus. Thank you for letting me understand that love, that love, that love isn't easy. That, love really moves in mysterious ways. That, I had the right love at the wrong time.

Love is easy to find but it's hard to seek.