Broken (One Direction Fanfiction)

Chapter 7: Colourful Feelings

Grace's POV:

 Scurrying up the staircase, I made my way into my former bedroom. I locked the door behind to be completely sure that no wanted predators could enter.

 My emotions were flooding out of control, and I knew I couldn't handle this anymore.

 Harry and Niall had just told me that Louis was almost. . . disappointed? in seeing me.

 After everything I do to make myself noticeable and high enough for everybody's standards, I'm never good enough.

 I grasped my hair in both my hands and quickened my pace around my bedroom. My blood was pounding as I heard my heart beat inside of my chest.

 Do it Grace, you know you need too.

 You're not even good enough for your own brother! 

 I clutched both of my ears to attempt to drown out the voices inside of my head. Just under 2 metres away was my bestfriend.

 The one who would always make me feel better.

 The one who could make me feel alive in my darkest days.

 The one who would comfort me in my deep sorrows.

 The one I held onto to.

 I rushed over towards my drawer and pulled out the shiny razor. 

 I clasped it in both hands and intensely stared at the maroon blood linings surrounding the metal.

 I told myself I wouldn't do it whilst Louis was here. . . 

 My mind was yet deciding on whether to go with my heart or my mind. 

 My heart was telling me to drop it and relapse by talking to Niall and Harry, but. . . my mind was telling me that it was the right thing to do.

 It didn't take long to decide, as soon enough my right arm was exposed and I was drawing thin lines down my milky skin.

 Blood immediately began to immensely pour out from the wounds and I felt myself growing more alive at the second.

 Each cut had a meaning. A meaning that I could only relate to and would remind me for the rest of my life how much of a failure I was. 

 I sighed out in relief once I was satisfied by looking at my bloody arms.

 13 new cuts.

 That also meant 13 more scars, 13 more disappointments and 13 more reminders of how worthless I was.

 I was tempted to cut again, but I knew I had already been up here for 20 minutes.

 Louis and the other boys were going to be home soon and I didn't want to ruin their first proper day. I cleaned up the excess blood and pulled my sleeve back down.

 I plastered on a fake smile and retouched up my makeup.

 It was like nothing had ever happened.

 Whilst walking down the stairs, I could identify murmurs being shared down in the kitchen.

 I quickly glanced ahead out the window and realised that the rest of the boys had just arrived. Louis, Zayn and Liam were just now walking out of the car.

 However, whilst in the kitchen I could identify Harry and Niall talking to eachother.

 "Should we tell him? I mean-- isn't he going to find out?"