ymms deleted scenes

camila

Camila, pre-ymms timeline/pre-meeting Lauren. The in-depth backstory that nobody asked for.

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Camila has never been a particularly strong person.

In fact, she's always been more of a sit back, let things happen, even if you don't entirely agree with it kind of person. She doesn't want attention drawn to her, and being one of those strong willed people is kind of terrifying.

She makes her first friends when she moves from Cuba. She knows hardly any English, and Marielle and Sandra know hardly any Spanish, but they make it work. She starts to understand them easily enough – especially with her extra lessons outside of school – and she knows that they make fun of her accent.

Even when Camila's starts to fade away, she's heard them mocking her mom behind her back, and even though she wants to tell them off, it'll draw attention to her, and she'll lose her friends, and she doesn't want to be like that weird girl who has no friends.

She wants to fit in and just not worry about things.

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Shortly after moving to the United States, Camila's mom takes her to a doctor, and she's diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. There's a list of prescribed medications that they can't pay for, because Sinu is trying to get back into school, and they're struggling enough as it is, so Camila tells her mom not to worry about it. She tells her she's fine, that the panic attacks she's been having are probably just because she misses dad.

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It gets worse as she moves on to middle school. Everyone is bitchy in middle school, and Marielle and Sandra tell her that if she wants to be popular and accepted, then she has to follow certain rules. She has to do certain things, wear particular clothing brands, and listen to the right music.

She tries so hard to do that. Even though she loves her dad's Latin music, and is happy to share an iPod with him, she forces herself to like the things everyone else likes. Flying under the radar is what she wants to do, because she doesn't want to be ostracised, or worse, bullied.

In class one day, she's paired with the girl she never talks to that much. She's quiet and shy, and Camila can relate to her in that aspect, because she's an introvert herself. But this girl has no friends, and she's heard so many stories about how weird she is, and how she shouldn't get mixed up with people like her.

They form a tentative kind of friendship as they work on projects together, but one day, the girl, Hailee, comes over to her while she's with Marielle and Sandra.

"Hey, Mila," Hailee smiles, "have you got the notes for yesterday's class? I was sick."

Before Camila can reply, Marielle scoffs. "Why are you talking to our friend? Nobody wants to hang out with someone like you. Right, Mila?"

Camila's heart hammers in her chest, because she knows that agreeing with Marielle is wrong. She knows that laughing along to the things they say about everyone behind their backs is wrong. She knows all of this, and she knows how she'd feel in that position, but before the glare her friends are sending her scares her enough to make her forget all of that.

"Uh, yeah, right," Camila murmurs, trying to ignore the big lump in her throat when Hailee's face falls. "Nobody wants to hang out with you."

When a crestfallen Hailee leaves, Camila excuses herself to the bathroom, locks herself in a stall and deals with the panic attack alone, like she always does.