Throw Your Halo Down

The Embrace

“I’m coming, I’m coming, Jesus Christ!” I bellowed at the door as I ran down the stairs. Someone had been ringing the doorbell since I’d gotten out of the shower. I flung the door open, several buttons still undone, to reveal a very uncomfortable looking Mr. Kennedy. For one long terrified moment, we just stared at each other. Then he looked down at his shoes and I did up the buttons on my shirt as fast as I possibly could, hiding the purple bra that had been exposed to the world.

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“I think we need to talk.” He muttered. He couldn’t look me in the eye, not that I blamed him. I let him into the house and ushered him to the kitchen, where I puttered around getting coffee for us so I didn’t have to sit down and listen to him explain that it had all been a mistake. All too soon, I was sitting across from him and gripping a mug so tightly I was afraid it would crack. He bit his lip, rolling it back and forth between his teeth. It seemed to be a nervous habit of his, and seeing it now did nothing to comfort me.

“So…” I tapped my fingernails on the mug, wincing at how loud it sounded.

“I’m sorry I kissed you. It was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have done it. I hope that my mistake didn’t make you uncomfortable enough to stop taking lessons.” The words sounded practiced, like he’d gone over them in his head a thousand times so he could say them perfectly. He couldn’t even look at me.

“So it was a mistake.” I felt a little like I’d just been kicked in the gut. I didn’t want to believe him.

“Yes.” He let out a sigh. “No. I don’t know.”

“I don’t want it to be a mistake.” I wanted to stuff the words back down my throat as soon as they left my lips. His head snapped up, blue eyes settling on mine for the first time since he’d shown up.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“I don’t know whether to cheer or cry.” He scrubbed one hand over his face. “Mina, I’m 33.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should. I am fifteen years older than you and I shouldn’t even be thinking about putting my hands on you.” But I am hung in the air between us.

“Mr. Kennedy-”

“Myles. If we’re talking about this, you should call me Myles.”

“Fine, Myles, we both have feelings for each other. Whether we act on them or not, they’re there. There is a significant age gap, sure, but-” I paused, trying to collect my thoughts. “I’m not sure where I’m going with this. But I don’t want to just be your student. And I don’t want to stop spending time with you.”

“I’m going to hell for this.” He muttered, reaching out to cradle my face between his palms. I smiled slightly, resting my hands over his.

“I think God has better things to do than watch us.” I leaned farther over the table and kissed him. Unlike our first kiss, this was slow and sweet. Unfortunately, like our first kiss, we were interrupted. I’d knocked over my coffee cup and it was quickly rolling towards the edge of the table. I grabbed it just before it fell and wiped up the spill.

“Seems like every time I kiss you something falls over.” He had the biggest smile on his face and it made my stomach fill up with butterflies.

“Shall we try again?” And there we were, standing in the middle of my kitchen on a Tuesday morning, arms wrapped around each other and kissing like we were searching for the last bit of oxygen in the world in each other’s mouths.

“We can’t tell anyone about this.” He said when we finally broke apart. I nodded, even though I was dying to tell Dani all about this. But this was a secret and a dangerous one at that. The more people who knew, the riskier it got. “I have to get back to the shop. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Definitely.” I stood up on my tiptoes to give him a quick peck. He paused just inside my door.

“We’ll figure it out.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I just nodded and watched him leave. Part of me was ecstatic that he felt the same way, but the more rational part of me was absolutely terrified. Where could this lead? A relationship built on secrecy was doomed from the start, especially with our age difference.

I couldn’t help but wish this wouldn’t go sour. I wanted to be with him. He was kind and funny and sweet; how could I not want to be with him? Not to mention I’d seen the look on his face when he played his guitar. He looked like he was in Heaven every time his fingers slipped over the strings. I let my head fall into my hands. This was possibly the worst situation I’d ever found myself in. But I could still taste him on my lips, could still smell him in my hair. No matter how much I thought about how terrible this was, my heart was set on him. There was nothing either of us could do.

I erased every sign that he’d been here before heading upstairs to finish getting ready for the day. I was planning on taking the bus to the library and then to my grandparents’ house to water the plants. It would be nice to be alone with my thoughts today and not have to interact with anyone. I was afraid I might blurt out everything that had happened today to anyone who even glanced at me.

I had to pass the guitar shop to get to the bus stop I needed. I forced myself to hurry past it and not try to sneak a peek of Mr. Kennedy. His name is Myles, I reminded myself. It certainly sounded better than calling him Mr. Kennedy while he had his hands down my pants.

I felt my whole face flush red at that thought. “Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you Mina?” I muttered, dropping onto the bus bench with a huff. Still, I couldn’t help but think about those lovely long fingers brushing over my skin-

I almost fell off the bench when someone honked. Luckily the bus arrived quickly and I had to focus on counting out the fare for the driver. The library was only a few stops away; I didn’t even bother going in and just dumped the books in the return slot. Then it was back on the bus to my grandparents’ neighborhood, or at least as close as I could get. It was a good ten minute walk from the stop to their house and by the time I got there I was exhausted.

As I flopped on the couch, I could only think that at least no one would come bother me here. I just had to water the plants and then I could laze around for as long as I wanted. No one knew I was here and no one could come harass me, or show up to apologize and then kiss the living daylights out of me.

I had to admit that I wished Myles with me. I wanted to know what it felt like to hold him in my arms, to know the way his skin smelled, to know the way his body fit against mine. Hell, I even wanted to know how it felt to hold his hand. I wanted to do all the cute couple things, even though we probably wouldn’t be able to go out in public together.

I stopped in the middle of watering Grandma’s orchid to ask myself if I was willing to give up being able to go on dates to be in this relationship. The only answer I could come up with was yes.