Random Thoughts and Poems

I hate him.

Heyya guys its me again. Soooo...people always asked me have I ever fall in love before. Well, apparently I do.

At first we know each other 2 years ago, we're in the same class and we sat next to each other. We became best friends and we tell each other secrets. Every night we chatted with each other till its 3 am. And then I realised that I have feelings for him. I decided to tell him about it. When I told him about it, he didn't really freak out so its fine. But things get a little bit awkward afterwards but then we just pretend it didn't happened. We still chat with each other every night and told share our secrets. I thought my feelings for him will go away but apparently it didn't.

Last year, we weren't really that close anymore but we still remain friends. We didn't get to sit with each other but he sits behind me in class. We didn't talk much anymore with each other but its because we were both busy. We stopped chatting with each other like usual and it stays like that till now.

We still sometimes talk in class and whenever Im sad I just sit in front of him and just talks about my problems to him while he was drawing some sketches or doing his homework. He just sits there and listen and when I stopped talking he gave me advice for it. And sometimes I just sit in front of him and he gave me a smile and keep doing his work and I just watched him doing his things.

Then, everything changed because of a bitch. She came out of no where and said that she likes him and of course she acts like she's innocent and nice to people. She knows that I like him and said that she doesn't want to fight with each other. But then she started to spread around that she likes him and people apparently "ships" them. She doesn't even know him like I do. When people call their "ships name", obviously I felt hurt when I heard people call it. But I just sit around and faking my happiness for them. She even forgot about me and where she said she doesn't wanna fight.

One of my friend told him that I have a crush on him and my friend asked that does he like me back.... and he said no. That just broke my heart in to a million pieces and I almost cry at that moment when I heard that.

One day before our graduation, we have a rehearsal for it. And after we finish rehearsing it we sat in like a hall and all of people in the same grade as us sat in the hall too. The teachers weren't there because all of the teachers have a meeting between them.

At first, its all calming and then suddenly I see that the bitch is fighting with a girl. At first they were just shouting at each other and then they started slapping, hitting and pushing each other they both have their own gang so obviously the gang is also involve in it.

While I was just sitting at the corner, watching the whole shit go down like crazy. And after the fight stops, the bitch started asking people if he saw she's fighting with someone and act innocent. Well obviously he did you hoe. He's not blind and deaf because he clearly can see and hear when you shouted and when you were fighting with them.

After the graduation day I didn't come to school for like a few weeks and then I came to school after my "friends" begging me to come to school. My friend told me that she heard that he said that he doesn't like that bitch anymore after he saw the fight. That makes me happy but I know he's not gonna like me.

Till today, I still love him even though I can't see him anymore because he studied abroad which is really far from where Im learning now.

I don't hate him at all even though he hurt me. I love him too much that its hard for me to hate him. I hate the fact that I don't hate him at all. Everyday I wished he came back to me but I know its not gonna happen. Everyday I think about him, everyday I miss him more but I always wondered that do you miss me like I miss you and do you think of me everyday the way I do.

Every single night I cried myself to sleep because of him. I love him so much that I can't bear the thought of having feelings for anybody else. No matter how hard I tried to forget about him, he still stucks in my heart and mind.

I've never fall in love like this even my first boyfriend never make me feel like this.

I just miss him so much. I love him so much that I don't feel like Im ready to move on.

I hope you realised that I love you and I miss you so much even thought you hurt me really bad that my heart already broken into pieces but I still can love you.
I don't know what makes you stay in my heart till now. I don't know if I can move on from now. Everyday I miss you so much. And I love you.

And this is a poem I wrote for you.

I just don't understand the fact that you ignored me
What have I ever did to you
What is the reason that makes you ignore me
And also why did you never replied to me

Do you hate me that much?
Do you miss me the way I miss you?
Have I ever crossed your mind?
You hurt me really bad
But I still love you