Dear Babyghurl,
do you still remember me?
I was there for you, I loved you, I wanted you, I relied on you.
and you?
you tore me apart.
when we were both born our parents were friends so it was obvious that we would meet easily, when we grew up we were friends, until we moved away but I never forgot you. you were my friend.
when we were in gradeschool, I met you again you were isolated and you never talked to anyone and didnt give a damn whether or not we talk to you i thought you forgot me.
do you still remember your so called friends?
when we were still in gradeschool, you never spoke to anyone nor did you even talk to teachers. you were always sick you barely go to school but i still waited for you even though i knew that you would never consider me as your friend.
when you got back you got a lot thinner and thinner then i talked to my mother about it and heard about your illness i always kept watching you then. then you became friends with Christine, no she was your first so called friend she only wanted you there so she could brag that she heard your voice. but you never did talk to her right?
then jam came in, she was a lively person who you first talked to right? then when our class had a sleepover party at your house, we then heard about jam stealing your mother's necklaces and rings. she was just there because she knew your lineage.
after that you were harder to reach,
this is my first Regret, not ever trying to talk to you.
Christine was still your friend and you gained a bit of courage to talk, your health wasnt much of a problem. but you relied on christine a lot even though she was just using you. and you knew that were you stupid? or were you trying to prove something?
later on I heard christine and you never talked anymore, my eyes followed you everywhere where would you go? are you okay? did something happen? I always wondered.
then I was having lunch with my friends when we saw you walking by, I then took the risk and grabbed you to eat with us, you ate bread and didnt eat anything else well i figured i mean theres a lot of stuff you can't eat right?
you told us about your dream of being a doctor. but after that you never spoke to us again, but then christine and her brother Xin made a move, and talked to you. we made a crazy group, we did lots of crazy stuffs.
this is my second regret, letting Xin near you.
when we were about to graduate elementary, xin told his feelings for you. I had to pretend smile everyday, and without you noticing me I felt lonely. I played a lot with sluttish girls, and everyone knows what happened next I relied on girls that I changed with from time to time, I thought I forgot you, but when I saw xin hold your hand for the first time. I felt broken and sad. I then realized, 'wow, i want to kill my friend.' but since I didnt and couldnt, I just watched the two of you being happy.
This is my third regret, not even trying to tell you my feelings.
we then became sophomores, but you were in a different section from us. but believe it or not. I dated girls from your section as an excuse to see you, you were always happy you finally opened up and had friends besides us, instead of feeling lonely i felt glad.
but things went down to hell when I heard you were being bullied, by my own girlfriend. I broke up with her, but things got a lot worst. I knew everything she did, and the only thing I could do was watch. she was a girl, and I would never hurt any girl well maybe before she pushed you off the stairs, luckily ken was there to carry you to the clinic. but then, you had a trouble of seeing anything clearly after that, you cried everyday. you could never play basketball or any sports you want anymore.
I felt guilty and responsible for what happened to you.
this is my fourth regret, I didnt stop her from hurting you.
when you were finally done with the bullies, and teachers. I thought then that everything will be fine now, until I heard you collapsed, probably because of your illness, I became worried everyday I would be by your side and you would often tell me that im your bestfriend. then there is this once when I finally told myself to give up on you. at that night when I was about to go home, I saw you and your arm bleeding, you told me about how "Eva";s brother pushed you from the spiral stairs, and you told me about your grandmother telling you to conceal what you feel. and just stand by, for your name. that pissed me off.
I went on rampage and called my old friends, we went to attack that guy. but I got my senses back when he told me "your nothing but a friend, if you were her boyfriend I would understand" I smiled at him and knew he'd regret that. then i told xin what happened to you. and of course any boyfriend's reaction they fought and he scared every single one of students never to hurt you. but at the same time it was like he was claiming that you belong to him.
another one of my regrets, telling him about it.
and lastly,
the day of your birthday, when we were a sophomore, we asked and begged the teachers to let us have a farewell party for you. you were going to move to davao, we did our best please tell us you at least had fun, I always thought you were relying on us. but i was wrong it was us relying on you. we wanted you to carry our burdens for us as we carry yours I thought that was friends are for.
but that wasnt it at all, you changed.
we your friends, had problems we were dying, Xin and you broke up he got someone pregnant. out of depression maybe, Ken joined a frat he always comes home injured, he's at the hospital, with broken bones, kana and vincent broke up. rika and vincent started dating. and lots of stuffs. then, me? I'm here still hoping you won't tell me one day, that you did fall in love with your fake boyfriend.
My last regret, was ever allowing you to have a fake boyfriend.
Dear babyghurl... did you know? I loved you.
even now, i'm hoping you'd face us once again and tell us, "Hey, it's been a while, wanna turn things back to normal and do crazy stuffs again?"
I'm still hoping.
Ps:I'm still here for you.
--your dearly beloved friend, 'Bigbrod/Ritch/Nathan.
