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S. M. I. L. E. (discontinued)

General Fiction

Sadness Must not Ingress Life Experiences S. M. I. L. E. So, Idk what Imma do with this book. I'm just gonna write down weird, short stories that are deep and morbid. It might get sad so you've been warned. (yes, I did make that acronym for '...

#alone #depression #help #idfk #idk #lonelines #sad #sadness #shortstorycollection

Sometimes I Wish To Die.

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I'm now teetering on the edge of the deepest hole I've come across in all my life. I want to talk to someone about ALL that has happened. But I can't. I don't want to tell anyone about my past. And I don't want to tell my significant other. No. I CAN'T. I just don't. I don't want to do that to her. Even though she's older than me, I don't want to hurt her mentally... or physically. 

                          
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I'm feeling so alone right now. 

                          
It's like I've been pushed into an ocean. 

                          
And I'm drowning in the sadness... 

                          
I'm downing in what's happened. 

                          
I'm trying to claw and swim my way up to the surface where I can breathe. 

                          
I'm trying. 

                          
I can't get to the surface 
EVERYTHING IS TAKING ME DOWN FARTHER
I JUST NEED SOMEONE 

                          
It's like cement is tied to my shoes... What's the point in trying to reach for air if I'm just going to fall back down? There is no point. I've tried, and tried, and tried. It never works. So, how about I just stop trying? Maybe I should just stop. 
Stop moving, 
Stop caring,
Stop trying, 
Stop breathing, 
Stop living... 

                          
All of my friends have their own problems to deal with. I shouldn't try to talk to them about this... feeling. 

                          
They all talk about their problems, other people and I try to help them be happy. Me? I have one person. One person who I can talk to without seeing judgment. Without seeing hatred. Without seeing pity. And it's my girlfriend. 

                          
However, I can't talk to her all the time. I don't see her almost at all. She doesn't go to this school anymore. And besides, I don't like talking about my feelings to her because she gets sad from what I say... so I don't say anything. 

                          
I feel like I'm wearing the biggest disguise. I feel like I'm all alone. Like no one can understand me. 

                          
I might be smiling now, but wait until you see me alone.

                          
I always smile. I always laugh. I always SEEM like the perfect student and friend. I have a dark mind. I can imagine myself dying, and not feel anything but happy. 

                          
But believe me when I say "I'm fine." 


                          
Because I'm not going to say anything different.
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