I was just sitting in my car that was parked in the Walmart parking lot for 3 hours. A man in a gray hoodie approached my left window.
"Hey kid what the fuck are you doing?"
"Sir, why are you swearing at me? And what does me sitting in my car have to be a concern to you?"
"Listen kid, you're like 16. Why are you just sitting here?"
"Answer my question, mister. And I'm not even a kid, nor am I 16 years old."
The man was pissed for some reason and decided to kick the side of my car and walk away. The hell was that about?
I'm just here, sitting in the parking lot of Walmart thinking suicidal thoughts.
Maybe I should go inside and buy a razor, a really sharp knife, and, maybe some cigarettes... Just maybe.
I decide to do that so I got up out of my car and locked it up. As I walked in to the Walmart people looked at me funny.
Is there something wrong with me? Of course there is that's why I'm a depressed peice of shit.
While looking for the places where like the shaving razors were my favorite song started to play. My legs moved a bit and then I realized that I was dancing like an idiot.
A kid maybe about 11 years old walked into the isle and saw me. He was with his mom, I'm assuming it was his mom.. But from the corner of my right eye I saw both them laughing at me.
I looked towards them and they still laughed. Of course I get laughed at in a public place. People are assholes.
I quickly just picked a random razor from off the shelf and walked away.
I went to the front area to go ask for cigarettes and knives because I didn't know where they were. A woman told me they were in the back so that's where I went to.
I put my items into my basket then back up to the front to check out.
While I was checking out my items the lady behind the register seemed considered.
"You got some very unusual items here."
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"Normally people don't buy knives, cigarettes, and a razor."
"Well I'm not normal I guess."
I paid the lady and then grabbed my bag and left. While walking back to my car I saw the man from earlier.
It was weird. I wanted to call the cops on him. He followed me back to my car and when I tried to get in he grabbed my arm.
"Hey kid."
"Why the fuck are you following me!?" I screamed at him.
Some people ran up to him to stop him. Quickly, I got into my car and tried to drive fast back to my apartment.
I got home and turned on one light which was a red lamp that was in my bedroom. I took everything out of the bag and placed it onto my bed. Then I left the room to go get some alcohol from my kitchen.
I came back into the room and locked the door. Yes I did live alone, but some people around my place are always knocking at my doors. They're mostly drunk a thousand percent of the time.
I sat on my bed and opened up the pack of cigarettes and lit one. I started to smoke but then choked and drank some of my alcohol.
This was a normal Saturday night. Going to Walmart at 10 PM, buying cigarettes and whatever else, then going home, cutting myself and getting high or drunk.
I drank a whole bottle of alcohol and then I still wasn't drunk. I smoked 3 cigarettes and still nothing. I decided to cut through my skin. My normal thing.
I cut with the knife first and then used the razor. There was blood on my bed, which I ignored.
Once more, I opened up another bottle of alcohol and drank it all. Then I felt drunk.
I had no control over anything really now so I did what I normally did when I was drunk. And that is to go into the shower and cut more into my skin. Cutting so much that I pass out in the shower and my apartment maid comes in and calls the ambulance.
This time, I just passed out and woke up 5 hours later. It was 7 in the morning now and I woke up in the shower of course. A shower filled with water that wouldn't go down the drain and a pool of my own blood.
I got up and needed to do the laundry but I was tired so I went into my bedroom. I lay down on my blood soaked bed and thought for a few minutes before I eventually fell asleep.
Now, when I woke up, it was 1 in the afternoon. I didn't really have a job... Well I don't have a job at all. I just have a computer and I go dumpster diving and sell the stuff I find on websites.
That's how I make a living and that's why I'm living in such a small apartment in the ghetto side of town.
But of course, I waste all my money on things that could kill me. And I'm fine with just that.
