1. Have an evil lair in your basement and make sure no one knows you are making a Zebra.
2. Have a caldron, fill with Luke warm water and put on low heat. Preheat oven to 180 degrees
3. To make the black and white stripy potion mix together in caldron: yesterdays newspaper (note: do not use today's paper because dad might want it and will find out about zebra), olden days nun (note: use a proper time machine and go back about 50 years), five penguins, three annoying magpies, liquorice allsorts (note: get rid of the pink bits), a bit of ying and yang and a fat pander.
4. Learn how to play Michel Jackson's 'Black and white' on a key board while a Collingwood football player stirs the caldron and his coach abuses him.
5. Pour mixture into a horse float shut the door and feed it a variety of African dessert plants for three days, then leave out in the full moon for the whole night until glowing
6. Pour into a huge top hat and set aside in the fridge
7. Now that the stripes are under control, go out into the African jungle and find a wild horse somewhere near Qwa Qwa.
8. Feed horse 300 apples until it is slitle bulging at the sides. Then paint with varnish and shove in oven for 26 hours. Please make sure you have a snicker-snake oven that is able to just cook the horse without killing it
9. After 26 hours check horse if it has turned a ghostly white take it out if not leave in for another three days on 40 degrees.
10. If you have a shrink ray then we may continue the zebra process if not go to 36 Zoron street, Alice Springs and they are $82.25
11. Shrink horse down to two centimetres. Flatten out on a clean chopping board and mould into a circle. Place into a DVD player and enjoy the 40 minute zebra documentary that will explain all the things you need to know about caring and looking after your zebra.
12. Take horse out and stretch until right size. Leave out in sun for two whole days until an outline of stripes apire on horse.
13. Put horse in a room with 101 Dalmatians and two cows paint horse with potion in an up and down movement.
14. Your horse is now a zebra, now stick in ute and drop it off at the zoo!
