Soulmates

Barely Living

The next few months were horrible. Dan was never at school, always in hospital. I went to visit him every day. He always said he was fine but it was obvious he wasn't. He got weaker and weaker every day but that meant that I did too. I had to drive to school because I wasn't well enough to walk but there was still nothing technically wrong with me. I was dying of a disease I didn't have and that fucking sucks. 

I was crying myself to sleep and I never went outside except for school but after a while I had to stop doing that as well. Mum took me to see a therapist. He told me I had depression. I argued with him. I couldn't be depressed. Depression is a mental illness. An illness. If I was depressed then Dan would also be depressed. I had to stop being depressed. It turns out that is harder than it sounds. I tried to be happy. I went outside. I met up with my old group of friends but nothing. It turns out that when your best friend is dying of something that can't ever be treated and so are you, it is difficult to be happy. So I gave in.

I only ever left the house to visit Dan. He looked so lifeless all the time. I always sat on his hospital bed and we just talked. Sometimes we would hug each other and cry. Sometimes we would just sit in silence. I hated both options. I just wanted to be sat in chemistry with him or playing with Gabby or walking Pip. One day we were sat in silence and he said to me,

"Gabriele, when I die, will you die at the same time as me or slightly before or slightly after?

"Dan. I won't let you die."

As soon as I said I knew I couldn't let him die. I would do everything I could to stop us from dying. No matter what. Dan was not going to die.