Dreams | Dreamer Series Pt. I | Currently on hold

Chapter 4 (Anxiety)

Anxiety

Every time I have a dream, it usually happens within a few days. The only time it doesn't is when the dream is so far off, that it isn't for at least a few years. This dream was, or shall I say, is, supposed to happen in two weeks, give or take a few days. That is a range that never occurs. Ever. Of all the things about this dream that worry me, this is on the top three. Not top five, not top ten, top three. When I have dreams, I either have no time to think about it, because it happens in a day or two; or I have so much time to think about it that I eventually forget about it. These dreams, about our abduction, give me just enough time to think about it, that I'll drive myself crazy determining possible scenarios for this to go down. And, I guarantee it, none of them will be good.

Too many people have fears of not having enough time to finish everything they wanted to do- and I mean this in life, days, hours, years... Any span of time, really,- but I have never wished for there to be more hours in a day. I always plan my time out, always make sure I have enough time to do things. But when I am given too much time, I overthink it. I'll tell myself that if something happened faster than it should have, I did something wrong. Or that I didn't do it well enough. Nothing I make or do is ever good enough for my own judgement.

These dreams will drive me insane, especially if I can't see everything that will happen, only little flashes of things. Little exerpts from a story that has yet to be written. Too much time, too little information! When I go to sleep again tonight, I know that I will only get a portion of the story. A fraction of the way things are supposed to be. But hey, in the meantime, what will I do? Sit on the couch with my friends, eating junk food, just like we do every weekend. And I- we- are going to love it.

I four-way Skype call Avorie, Violet, and Holland, telling them about the second- third?- dream I've had. They say that they'll each be over in a few minutes, and we can talk about this face-to-face.

Holland arrives first, since she is only a few blocks away. Next comes Violet, with her rusty old pick-up truck. And finally, Avorie, held up by her mother, on the phone as usual. Her mom has to borrow Avorie's car lately, because her engine died and they have to get a new one. Very unfortunate. So when Avorie comes strolling into my house with her mother, head hung in embarassment, we giggle and bring her up to my room. After Avorie's mother leaves, we watch her drive the small blue Subaru out of my driveway and around the corner.

I tell the girls what I've been thinking about lately, what with the "not-good-enough" ideas, and the "I'll drive myself cray" inferences, and they each react a different way, much to my surprise.

"Don't think that," Violet reassures me. "You'll always be perfect, and you should never doubt yourself. Oh, and don't forget, you are a freaking genius as well. We should be the ones who think we're not good enough! But we don't, because we have self-confidence, and we all have confidence in you!"

"Just, the next time you have a dream, call us!" Avorie says. "If you feel like you're not getting enough information, then we'll talk to Uncle Barry! Remember, he's a therapist. He knows how your brain works! He'll help us, I'm sure of it!"

"Oh, honey, it's okay! You drove yourself crazy long ago! That's old news!" And theeen there's Holland. Holland always knows how to make you feel better! *Rolls eyes.*

"Gee, thanks, Holland. You guys are great. Really supportive. I mean that both sarcastically and sincerely. Holland. Ahem," I answer to their reassurances.

After we all talk about it for a while, cracking up periodically to the jokes and pervy insinuations that are inevitable in a conversation with my friends, I ask if they can sleep over at my house tonight, you know, to help me record the dream I know is coming, and to help me calm down after I have it.