Finding You// WFT

40

*TRIGGER WARNER: IF ANYONE OF YOUR HAVE DIFFUCULTIES WITH ANXIETY AND TALKING ABOUT IT IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THEN PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. I KNOW THIS SEEMS STUPID BUT YOU GUYS ARE MY SMOL BEANS AND I LOVE YOU, SO I AM JUST WATCHING OUT FOR YOU ALL*

Yesterday was our day off, so I filmed the boyfriend tag for my channel. Thankfully Wes was completely cooperative and was actually answering the questions seriously. Today we are in up in Chicago and we have about 2 hours before Wes is required to go downstairs for the lunch in along with Tina and Enya. So he is currently on YOUNOW doing a live stream while I am in the bathroom doing my hair and pre-makeup routine.  This is the last stop for a while for Wes and I, to say that I am sad is a completely understatement. The amount of people I have met is amazing and the love they have showed me is unmeasurable.

Hey babe they want to know the plan for today." Wes calls from the little round table that sits next to the balcony doors. I walk over and stand behind him and I put my hands on his shoulders .

"Well obviously the event is priority on the list; after everybody is going to dinner for a kind of 'see you later' for the two of us. Then we are back at the hotel, while everyone has an early flight to Indiana in the morning; the two of us have a mid-day flight back to home." I nod my head while looking at the comments that were coming in on the side of the screen

"You can leave now, they are more interested in seeing you do your make than me" Wes jokes and pushes me away. I let out a laugh and continue my path to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I had just finished my meet and greet and I am absolutely exhausted , today was the most chaotic event out of the ones I have done. There were a lot of girls crying when they met me, some of them telling me that they are going through a tough time and just pouring their hearts out to me. On top of that this ballroom was bigger than any of the previous ones meaning more room for more people, not that I have a problem with that but that meant that it was a little harder to rally them into an orderly fashion.

Something that I thought I was overcoming happened today, panic attacks. I used to have those daily from being over whelmed, may it be from school work or the demand to do more things for my channel to make it the best it can be. But its been more than year since the last time I have had one. So my meet and greet was put on hold as well as Wes' because he was trying to calm me down. Thankfully, it took no more than minutes but I still felt bad none the less for making people wait on me.

"Hey David, I don't think I am going to be able to perform tonight." I walk up to him, Orion notices the look on my face and walks over to me with Wes behind her.

"I know, I was notified earlier but please just go up to your room and get some rest. Don't feel pressured to go out with us tonight. Orion you can go with her if you want to." She nods her head and walks with me with her arm around my shoulder.

"Is it your anxiety again, huh?" Orion finally asks once we are in the elevator together.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened. Today was a lot more intense than any other day and I was just getting overwhelmed. There was no stopping it, but I was able to tell someone to get Wes before I actually broke down inform of everyone." The doors up and we step onto our floor. She waits until we are in my room to say anything else.

"It's good that you and Wes are done after today for while, take some time and try to relax and spend some time away from the internet. It will do you some good, but for now get ready for bed and I will get Netflix set up on your laptop. I gotta go back downstairs but I will text you right after Wes is done with his set, chances are that he will rush straight up here." I just nod my head and go into the bathroom. When I am taking off my makeup, my eyes are still red from crying into Wesley's shoulders. My mouth is dry and my throat has a lump in it. More than anything I am disappointed in myself. I walk over to the bed in our room and just lay down on with one of his shirts on and some shorts.

My anxiety is something I have been battling since high school, it wasn't until about a year and half after I graduated was I able to actually calm myself down. The daily episodes then slowly faded into episodes that occur every once in a while, they then seem to dissipate to nothing until today. I never told Wes because I thought I had it under control but he clearly is going to come in with questions that I won't have any answers because I slip into a much needed slumber.

W E S L E Y ' S P O V

Seeing Fleur leave with Orion has me worried beyond belief but knowing I know she is in good hands considering that's her cousin. But none the less, I feel completely helpless that I am not the one up there with her. Orion did return after about 10 minutes went by, she now wears a face of worry.

"Is she okay, Orion?" I walk up to her before anyone could.

"Yeah she's just worn out is all, guarantee when you get up to your room she is going to be sleeping." She tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear. It's not until now did I realize how much Orion was like an older sister to Fleur. She too is now stressing and looks pale.

"What happened? First someone got me and told me that something is wrong with Fleur. I ran to see what was going on, next thing I know she is crying on my shoulder." Orion and I sit down behind the stage so we could talk without interruption.

"She had a panic attack; she used to get them when she was younger but she kind of grew out of them. Today was just a little too much for her that's all. Once you guys go back home she will be fine. Don't push her too much to tell you, she will eventually but for now let her rest." She rubs my back while I rub my face.

Christian volunteered to go before me so I could collect my thoughts as much as I could. Normally during my set, Fleur would come out and sing a song with me but now I have to cut the song in hopes that many people don't notice. Thankfully, when it was time things went smoother than I thought. David actually let me go strait to my room after I was done. When I get there my eyes are met by the sleeping figure of Fleur curled up cuddling with a pillow.

Before I even thought about going to bed I take a shower. I let the warm water roll off my back along with the stressful day. Even though I want nothing more than to not move, the need to lay with my girlfriend was greater. Getting out of the shower and pulling my briefs on was the only I have the power to do. I walk over to our bed and rest my arm over her waist.