From Me To You

nov. 15, 2013

It's been about a month since the last time I wrote to you, but I'll catch you up on everything that has happened. Its been a crazy month. It's been full of love, and general happiness, until this particular day. But before we get to my predictable misfortune, I should fill you in on life.

    Stella has been doing really good. She's back to full health, being her bouncy, spunky little self. I told doctors that she must have tripped and fallen down the stairs while I was gone. I never mentioned my mother.

    Speaking of my mother, she has been calmer than usual. I think she's been taking drugs, but she hasn't laid a hand on Stella or I since I told her that she almost killed her three year old child. I didn't really care what my mom did, as long as Stella was okay.

    And as for me, I've been better than normal. We got closer. A lot closer. You were one of my best friends; second only to Lydia. I finally admitted to myself that I had a crush on you. A huge crush. I got these butterflies in my stomach while we hung out, but I didn't think you ever caught on. I hope you never noticed my unusual nervousness.

    But on this chilly November day, my heart was shattered into pieces by you. You had no idea what you did though, did you Evan?

    Lydia and I sat down in the bleachers as the varsity boys basketball game began. I was smiling so much that my jaw hurt. I had a plethora of friends sitting around Lydia and I. I couldn't express how much I loved being around everyone. This school had been so inviting and wonderful to me. Better than I ever expected.

    But then I looked over at you. I was puzzled when I saw a girl holding your hand and laughing at every single thing you said. The girl was none other than Tori Dawson. The one girl that I never saw eye to eye with. She was, to simply put it, a bitch. And I still don't understand what you saw in her. Maybe it was her willingness to do whatever you wanted, or her average athletic skills that she enjoyed bragging about. Whatever it was, she was yours, and I wasn't.

    That night broke me. I thought you liked me. I thought you were going to ask me out any day, but I guess Tori beat me to it.

    I saw her kiss you, and that's what did it for me. I made my way to the hallway and began walking. I walked all the way to my locker on the other side of the school and just sat there. I didn't cry; I couldn't. All I could do was sit there and hate myself.

    I wasn't good enough.

    I wasn't pretty enough.

    I wasn't popular enough.

    I wasn't enough for you.

    There was this feeling inside of my chest. An overwhelming feeling of insatiability with myself and my life. It was impossible to be satisfied with myself. And maybe that is why you chose Tori. You weren't satisfied with me. Just the same as I wasn't satisfied with that platonic relationship that we had.

    Sitting there I realized how insignificant I was. I couldn't even get one simple boy to like me. But you weren't simple, were you Evan Scott? You were different; complicated. You weren't like anyone else. Maybe that's why I had such strong feelings towards you.

    You were just a pale, sarcastic, spazz of a boy. But your hazel and honey eyes pulled me in, and your perfectly styled brown hair pulled me deeper. You had this way of making me smile, no matter what you did. Sometimes you winked at me from across the classroom, knowing you'd get a laugh from me. Other times, I swore you had ADHD because of how impulsive you tended to be. Remember when you broke out singing in the middle of class every once in awhile? I do.

    Do you remember when you hurt me for the first time? I do.