I remember that day.
It was a blur, but I remember.
The phone call from my mother
The anticipation to the hospital.
The groundbreaking news.
The crying.
Crying was an unbearable thing. After I had gotten the news, I went to a small waiting area and cried. I cried and didn't make much noise cause I hated when people saw me cry. Little kids would walk past me and ask their parent if I was okay, but they'd give me those sad eyes and nod their head. That only made me cry harder.
On the first day, I cried in a small recliner in the waiting area, curled up around his hoodie. His strong cologne filled my nose everytime I sniffled. I honestly hated the smell, but it comforted me so much. A concerned little girl walked over to me and said what was wrong, but I stayed silent. I just stared at the carpeted floor, seeing wet spots in it. My tears.
On the second day, I couldn't see him. I immediately broke down the second my foot entered the room. I remember screaming at my mom to let me be, to let me grieve. Alone. I couldn't handle my families comfort, so I wandered the hospital. I walked through it, my hood up and tears waiting to spill an ocean. People gave me looks, but decided against it. They knew my mind was filled with the horrible possibilities I could do.
On the third day, I passed out. Dehydration and lack of eating made me weak, so my body couldn't properly function. I just needed some water and I was fine. I don't remember much of that day, considering I just cried more and slept in the lounge.
On the fourth day, the last day of summer, he died.
I couldn't contain my screams when I heard the line drop. His body jerked, and then he remained still.
Dead.
I don't remember much, just my screams and doctor rushing in, trying to revive his heart.
That didn't work.
I didn't eat for a week.
Friends were concerned when I didn't eat at lunch, but I brushed them off. Even the administrators offered me a snack. I was too weak to respond, too fragile. I smiled more to the point where I had it plastered on my face. I hid my face with masks, changing different forms with different people. I hid my true self just to act happy.
But I wasn't.
The smile soon disappeared, and I felt lost. Friends became enemies, lovers became liars, family became waste. I was lost. I couldn't breath, I couldn't eat.
I was practically a ghost.
No one can see me, but I can fool with them. I could toy with their motions for the hell of it. I could create my own happiness with ones pettiness.
That got boring real fast.
Eventually I moved on to social media.
That got boring real fast too.
I soon got mesmerized by the idea of darkness. Soon I did no social interaction, besides with my friends online.
I was lost and afraid.
I remember my screams and cries
My worried and fears
And worst of all
The pain I caused to everyone...
