Dear Sam,
You know sometimes you think it'll be easier, you won't have to look back and feel pain. It's a lie. You regret everything. You regret your birth, your growing up, not dying when you had the chance. Everything. It never gets easier, that’s just a myth stupid people tell themselves. Love. Also a lie. Love doesn’t give pain. Love doesn’t hit, hurt, none of that. EVER. Only place you ever felt even a bit of love, was over the phone, or through some kind of way on the internet, your amazing boyfriend is the only amazing thing that has happened to me, ever. Yet life is so cruel not even the one who can love a freak like you, can be with you. You're done. You cause pain where ever you go. And you're sick of it. All of it. If you cant do anything right you might as well do this much for your family, for your life. It's not cowardly. Okay maybe a little. But still it’s a way. You're not strong enough, beautiful, nice, a good person, you never were. Maybe it's time for you to start over. To have a fresh start. To reincarnate to another lifetime. Where you're never so vulnerable, so useless, so worthless. Maybe. Everyone will move on. You're nothing special. Nothing important. The pain goes faster. It's sweeter. It's beautiful. You're mother will bury you. Mentally and physically. You will be no more. From the last drop of blood, your history, your present, your future, will be gone with wind.
To your boyfriend
He is an amazing person so kind, so sweet, so much love. But he too will move on. He has too. He deserves someone better, someone beautiful, someone strong. Not you. Never you. And you have come to terms with that. He is way out of your league. By far. And the fact that he never sees how perfect he is, is a great quality in a person, because they don’t have an inflated ego. But you hope he will at least notice and acknowledge his perfection. He is the best. Through and through. Up and Beyond. Maybe in the afterlife, you will meet and reconnect, but then again maybe not. He will find his soul mate, his true love. He lights up your world, like nobody else. He is your amor, your tesoro (treasure), he is everything and anything. But he is not yours.
So long, good bye,
I love you infinity times infinity
