Nonexistent

Chapter 3

   The last school bell rings as students flood the halls towards their cars. I start the opposite way, knowing I'd have to walk home again, this time in the rain. A motorcycle whips around the corner of the school, stopping right before me. I exhale a loud shriek as I close my eyes and wait for the impact. The driver takes off his helmet as I see a lopsided grin appear. I take a deep breathe and scowl at Jess.

   "Do you have literally ANY idea how badly you scared me?! For all I know you were some type of axe-murderer who decided to run into little ole' me." I look at him as a smile tugged at my lips, a hand over my chest in feign innocence.

   "You? Innocent? I think you should be a comedian," he says with a straight face, "you clearly have a good sense of humor."

   I scoff and roll my eyes, wiping some water off of my forehead as I throw my leg over the bike. Jess turns around and looks at me with an amused smile and raised eyebrows.

   "Now what makes you think I would be giving you a ride home? 'For all I know you're an axe-murderer'."

   I roll my eyes and lightly slap his shoulder, pointing forward and looking at him expectantly. He sighs with a small smile on his face as I give him my house address. 

   I wrap my arms around his waist and slowly inhale, resting my head on his back as I breathe in his addicting smell. Everything about him was enticing. Subconsciously, I knew he liked me. I'm not being narcissistic, just realistic. The way he would sneak looks at me anytime he could, the way he ran his hand through his hair nervously when he talked to me, the way he shifted back and forth on his feet in an attempt to work out the nerves. I may be slow but I'm definitely not blind. 

   I grip his jacket harder as he makes a sharp turn, water spraying around us. I reach out and run my hand through the spraying water. I wrap my wet hand around Jess's body, wiping it on his face as I feel him groan. I laugh silently as I enjoy the ride to my house.

****************

   I practically slide off the motorcycle, gripping Jess's shoulder as my legs go to jelly. I never realized how long of a ride my house was from the school until I rode with Jess. He chuckles as he slips off the bike and walks toward the front of the house. I scoff and grab his hand, pulling him back to look at him.

   "What do you think you're doing? You can't just walk into my house because you feel like it. Thank you for the ride, but you should go now."

   "So what, that's all I was? A ride?" He grips the sides of my waist with both hands, pulling me forward and grinning, pressing his body against mine. "I was kind of hoping we were going to be more than that, Clutz." I chuckle and wrap my arms around his waist, his eyes widening in confusion and shock as I tip my head up to look in his eyes. I bite my lip, watching his eyes flicker to my mouth as his lips part gently.

   "I guess you thought wrong." I quickly unweave my body from his as I watch his face fall slighty, although he recovers very quickly, a lazy grin resting on his face.

   "You're like a fox, Clutz. Cunning, smart, beautiful, and somehow so underlyingly mischevious it's unreal." I blush lightly.

   "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it Jess. But I was NOT kidding when I said you should go. My dad- nevermind. I had a fun time today Jess."

   I quickly retreat into my house, open the door carelessly, then remembering not to let it slam knowing that my father would kill me if he is waken from his "afternoon nap". 

   I look out the window in time to see Jess getting on his motorcycle, a small scowl etched on his face. I head upstairs, shaking my head and quickly erase his face from my mind. 

   (PLAY SONG)

   I throw my bag on the floor of my bedroom, jumping onto my bed with a small smile. I look at the window pane, watching the last of the rain drip off the windowsill. A large breath escapes my lungs, one that I didn't even realize I was holding in. 

   My thoughts wondered to the thought of Jess. 

   His eyes, this nose that seemed to be tilted slightly to the left, the cupids bow leading down to his full lips. Everything about him made my body tingle. His eyes reminded me of her.

   My heart drops as I think of something I never wanted to think of again: my mother. 

   "She left you, she doesn't WANT you anymore Layana. A woman like that isn't worth of a girl like you. You are happy. You will make friends. It's going to be different this year. People aren't that bad. She doesn't deserve to call you her daughter. You are amazing." 

   But the voice saying all these things was monatone. There may have been a time I believed all those things, but after some time, people need to move on and accept that no matter what you do, the past cannot be changed. I want to believe my mother left for a good reason, that she wasn't selfish enough to leave her child. But I can't. Because the vision I have of that woman will always be the same; malicious, corrupted, and horrible. She left her daughter, her small, innocent child, because you didn't know how to control her substance. She didn't know how to ttake care of the one thing she was gentically hard-wired to protect. How f*cked up is our world now?

   I shake my head, although my whole body was already shaking. I pull myself up and lean my back against the wall, crossing my legs and pulling my cigarettes out of the tampon box beside my bed. I wasn't proud of it, smoking. But why should I care about it if no one else does? 

   I light the cigarette and take a deep drag. I let the smoke seep out of my mouth not blowing. I watch the circles of smoke, the intricate design of it, wrapping around itself like a snake. I get out of my bed and turn off the light. 

   And I sleep.