House on the Vistula (an Ed Sheeran story)

Chapter Nine

It was eleven and we had woken up no more than twenty minutes ago. We had been slipping in and out of sleep, exchanging half-conscious smiles and 'good morning' mumbles. That's when Ed's phone started ringing.
He looked like a rabbit caught in headlights when he glanced at the screen. "I'll be right back."
Once he got out of bed he answered the phone with a cautious hello and wandered off onto the balcony. He sounded very worn out and I was so very tempted to sneak up and eavesdrop, but decided against it and stayed in bed. I moved over onto his side of the bed and buried my face in his pillow- it smelled of him. Tobacco, his shampoo, and warmth.
"You okay, lovely?" I asked as he slid back into bed next to me, on my side. Scooting forward towards me, he wrapped his arms around me and rubbed his face in my hair. "It was Tara."
"You mean-" I turned my head slightly in his general direction.
"Yeah." He sighed. "It's been complicated."
"Is it still?"
"Not so much."
"Hmm," I nodded and turned my head back. Placing a kiss on his hand, I continued. "Want to talk about it?"
"Maybe later when we go for a cig. Too content like this to talk about all that."
I smiled and pulled his hands up and cuddled my face into them and gently rubbed the tip of my nose on his left hand. "As you wish."
"How'd you feel about breakfast?"
"Now?"
"Nah, in 20 minutes."
"Sure. We eating here or?"
"Let's eat out. Feeling a nice greasy fry up."
"Mmm, sounds heavenly, especially after all that alcohol."
"I'd get us a glass of water but I'm too comfy."
I laughed and nudged him gently. "I'll go get it, I need to start getting ready anyway."
As I tried to untangle myself from his arms, he squeezed me tighter. "Noooo. You do not have my permission!"
"But Ed-"
He gripped me tighter and suddenly his fingers were digging into my ribcage.
With a shriek of laughter, I started kicking my feet against him and twisted so that I could dig my nails into both his arms.
"STOP! No oh my god it's unBEARA-" my words were cut off by another shriek.
"Please stop or I won't cuddle you ever again." I hiccuped once he gave me a moment to breathe. His grip on me loosened and I turned over to face him. "You're terrible."
"Oh stop it you." He chuckled, pushing a few strands of hair out of my face and kissing me.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and let my hand wander through his hair as I reciprocated his kiss.
With a sigh, I pulled back and got out of bed. I placed a quick kiss on his nose and grabbed my bag, the glass of water forgotten.
Once I walked into the bathroom, I had a wee, washed my hands and face and brushed my teeth before starting on my make up. Nothing too fancy as I was going to have a shower before the concert - I applied my primer, some mascara and light red lipstick before spraying a small amount of Coco Mademoiselle on my wrists, neck and hairbrush, which I then quickly ran through my tangled blonde mane.
Shaking my hair out behind me, I changed into a fresh pair of undies, my trusted red bra, leggings and a grey short sleeved top. When I walked out of the bathroom, Ed was still in bed.
"You lazy shit!" I exclaimed and threw my entire weight on him, making him let out a large "ooft!"
"You're heavier than you look, you fat shit." He moaned, making me burst into giggles.
After placing a kiss on the back of his head, I rolled over and sat on the bed, grabbing my phone and glasses as I couldn't be bothered to wear contacts.
"Jesus fucking Christ," I muttered, my eyebrows raising when I opened my Instagram after seeing the endless notifications on my lock screen.
"Hmm?"
"So yesterday, I went from a mere 564 followers to 6,302. And overnight, my count has gone all the way up to 21.3k."
"Even I'm surprised at that, chica." He laughed.
"Awh, most of these comments are so sweet."
I even had comments on my drunken pictures with my girls.
"Someone just commented telling me off for drinking and smoking because I'm not 21."
"I suppose people don't know that drinking ages differ from country to country." He grinned and sat up in bed also. "Don't let the fame get to your head, you."
I stuck my tongue out at him. "It's actually pretty daunting knowing that so many people know what's going on in my day to day life. So don't worry, it won't."
As Ed started getting ready, I pulled my converse and jacket on and rolled us both a cigarette before taking a quick mirror selfie. Just as I did, Ed started coming up behind me and yawned.
"Beautiful, Ed. Really." I told him through chortles.
"Wait what?" He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist as I snickered at the picture. It was a normal mirror selfie, minus Ed a couple feet behind me, hand mid-air holding his glasses, and his face stretched in a massive yawn. He shook his head and chuckled. "You're posting that, aren't you."
"Yep."
"Oh come on, take a normal one without me yawning."
"Nu-uh. This is a classic. The world must see it."
"You're just exposing me from day one, aren't you." He teased, nuzzling my hair.
"Indeed!" I laughed. "Right, you ready?"
"Yeah. There's a cafe about 10 minutes walk from here."
"Okay, let's go then."
I posted the selfie on Instagram with the caption "#exposed"- how funny am I. We walked out of the room and down the stairs, chattering between ourselves. I checked my Snapchat as a couple of my friends had snapped me, and my Facebook messages. There was a message from my mum, asking me to call her once I wake up.
"Do you mind if I call my mum? I'm all yours after that."
"Of course. Go ahead,"
After lighting my rollie, I called my mum.
"Dopiero teraz się obudziłaś?" Was the first thing she said. (You only just woke up?)
"Nie. Obudziłam się kilka godzin temu ale dopiero teraz sprawdziłam messenger'a." I lied. (No. I woke up a few hours ago but only just checked messenger.)
"Jesteś w domu?" (Are you at home?)
"Już nie. Właśnie idę na lunch z kolegą. Co tam?" (Not anymore. Just going to grab some lunch with a friend. What's up?)
After we talked for a couple more minutes, we said bye.
"What's up?" Ed asked.
"Nah, nothing. She was just checking on me." I replied with a grin "so, want to talk about...?"
"Well, I suppose there's not too much to it. It was complicated, on and off. I wasn't really feeling it anymore, was pretty detached from all that. Broke it off, but she thinks it's just one of those times despite the fact that I explained it's not. It's fine now though, she has a lovely boyfriend who adores her, apparently. She called to tell me that."
"Bless," I smiled. "You alright then?"
"Of course." He replied, giving me a sideways hug as we walked and smoked. He left his arm around my shoulders and as much as I feel like a little girl for the way it affected me, it filled me with a warm, fuzzy feeling that I remembered so clearly from the summer before.
It was quiet in the cafe, as it was a good distance from the station and town centre, and people were still at work.
Ed ordered himself a full English with two fried eggs, toast and a mug of black coffee with two sugars. I ordered mine without black pudding or mushrooms, but with 2 poached eggs, plain bread, and a cup of tea with two sugars.
I smiled when our drinks arrived, glancing at him as I murmured, "I'll wake with coffee in the morning, but she prefers two lumps of sugar and tea,"
Ed grinned. "Glad you like that."
"Are you kidding? It's my favourite." I told him before digging into my baked beans.
He watched me for a moment with a small smile and then started eating too. I couldn't help but stare. He looked so content and child-like. It made me hate myself all over again for being a bitch towards him. Suddenly, I felt a bit queasy so I grabbed my cup of tea and poured some lemon juice that I always carried around with me into the mug before necking half of it.
With a deep breath, I set my mug down and picked my knife and fork back up. That was in the past, and I had another shot at this. At being friends with Ed. At being a good friend towards him.
Once we finished our food and beverages, we rolled ourselves a cigarette each and left.
We sat down on a bench to smoke.
"Have you ever been in love?" Ed asked me once he lit up.
I looked over at him oddly as I tried to light my cigarette up. Shitty lighter. Eventually it worked and after taking a long drag, I licked my lips and nodded. "I could have sworn we've had this conversation already. But of course I have. It was the least pleasant experience of my life."
"Not specifically this conversation. We had one about the ups and downs of our relationships." He chuckled. "How so?"
I wrinkled my nose and took another drag before shaking my head. "I don't care about my past relationships anymore, but it just seems whenever I feel I could have something good with someone, something fucks it up. Granted, I very rarely feel anything real. Would it even be real if you felt it for every other person you find yourself attracted to?"
I sighed, not sure of what I was getting at. "But out of that handful of times when I either truly loved someone, or saw a future with them in which I could love them, it never worked out. For one reason or another. So now I just..."
I stopped. I had said enough.
"So now you just avoid anything with anyone who makes you feel good and is willing to be an open book for you." Ed finished for me, catching my eye as he breathed out some smoke.
I looked away and took a puff the second I released the first one."What about you? I mean, I know you've been in love, but I also know you've been fucked over as much as, or more, than me. How does your heart remain so open? How do you do it?"
Ed laughed. "It's not like you make it sound. I am afraid of falling in love. Of feeling everything. And yes, it's all fucked me over and hurt me, but I suppose I'm still a child at heart in that sense. I still believe the real thing will happen. It's gotten to the point that I'm so sick of being cynical that I'm more willing to let someone who I have a good feeling about, and who I feel that I have a future of some sort with, in. It gets harder when they cause pain. Intentionally or unintentionally. But when it's right, you can't help but need them. Even if that may seem ridiculous at the very beginning."
We were both quiet after that. I placed my head on his shoulder and stroked his free hand with my own. He intertwined our hands and squeezed. I briefly wondered if I'd disappear again. It seemed like the last thing I could ever wish to do in that moment, but it always happened. My self-loathing and fear got the best of me every time something good came into my life. Especially when that person had a heart of gold like Ed did. It made me wish I was as open, as gentle, as willing to trust myself not to hurt someone and vice versa, as he was despite all the hurt he had been through.
Selfless enough to not worry about myself so much, but not selfless in the horrible way that I was- rather being alone and miserable just in case I hurt the person I care about. Selfish enough to let someone love me, to accept their love and to allow myself to live in that love.
"You're a wonderful person, Ed." I told him a couple of minutes later as we continued smoking. I reached our intertwined hands up and stroked his cheek briefly with my thumb, making him grin at me goofily. I laughed as he placed kisses down my hand.
"You're okay, I suppose," He replied slyly as we stood up.
With a pout, I turned away from him and pretended to storm off in the general direction we were heading.
"Oh come on, you know I'm kidding." He said as he caught up and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "You're pretty darn great, Nat. And I'm glad we got to meet again."
Twisting my head around, I grinned at him. "Thanks angel, as am I. Now let's hope you don't tell me to fuck off to get back at me."
He looked somewhat hurt momentarily.
"I don't disappear, nor do I tell people I care about to go away unless they make it clear they want nothing to do with me." He said lightly, adding a laugh on to make it seem less accusatory than it was. I looked down and latched onto my top lip with my teeth.
I continued chewing my lip until I ripped a piece of skin that had been annoying me off. "That was uncalled for, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way, Ed."
I was silly to think the circumstances of the end of our brief affair were so easy to put behind us, and that we could just pick up where we left off before, without some weariness.