I'm the girl who cried wolf
And let me tell you, I meant it
But some wolves are invisible
And there's not a reasonable explanation
Because people only believe what they see unless it's written in a Bible
And the Bible talks about snakes and sins but never wolves
And people you love start to look like snakes when they walk right past you when you're clearly under attack
Or throw rocks when there are wolves at your throat
Casting the first stone, if you will
Because they don't see the carnage, they only see that you're making a scene
Is making a scene committing a sin when you're drowning but there's no water?
I think the worst part of reaching out for help
Is the cheery neurotypical advice that didn't work years ago and certainly won't work now
You don't tell a drowning person to think happy thoughts, nor do you tell a girl being hunted by a wolf to change her attitude
And these people, they can't read me and I can't read them
'No' means 'yes' and 'help' means 'leave me on read' and 'I'm thinking about hurting myself' means 'I just want attention'
I need attention
I'm so damn lonely, in every crowded room
I want to be loved and saved
This is too big for me
Yes I'm an attention seeker today, because there is a wolf at my heels and my legs are getting tired
Antidepressants are like empty promises
Because these pills have made me feel anything and everything but relief
You tell me I need a divine intervention, but God has a funny way of answering these prayers
And I never stopped praying, but relief stopped coming
And this became bigger than myself but people stopped caring
It got too much for me and far too much for them
It's a lot of baggage and painfully heavy stuff
But I'm not a carry-on, and this isn't a vacation
And I wasn't asking much, just not to be outcasted and alienated and humiliated and ignored
Oh god, being ignored
It hurts worse than anything else
Because this emptiness is hard to fill when I can't leave my bed
And this emptiness is hard to fill with anything but vodka, but I haven't drank since summer
It's been a long winter
It's been a long time since he smiled at me
Heartbreak isn't the same as being chased by a wolf, but sometimes they go hand in hand
My hands shake sometimes when I hear whispers in the hall or when I see them laughing at me
My hands turn white all the time, and I'm trying to keep them warm, but it's so fucking cold in the winter
And I gave a boy my gloves because he was cold too
But now he's gone and I'm shivering in the middle of class like some kind of psycho
Making a scene and pacing and being too extra
Then acting like it's fine the next minute, then falling completely apart
But it's all just theatrics, right?
I'm being pretentious, I'm self-seeking, I'm making a sin of a scene, I'm immature, I'm acting like a child, I'm a damn child
I'm such a child
Just a child, just a little girl, a little girl who called wolf
Did they believe me? Did they even hear me?
Are they far enough from me now that they can't hear me screaming?
Or even worse, do they hear me but choose to do nothing about it?
By the time they hear these words, they'll be distant echoes
Because no one believes in invisible wolves till the crying girl is dead.
