The One That Got Away ✔

Chapter Ten

TRIGGER WARNING

Hi all,

This chapter speaks heavily of suicide and depression so if you are sensitive to these topics then I suggest skipping this chapter.

Thank you

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"Thank you" Freddy starts.

"For what?" I raise a brow at my son who sat in the driver's seat.

He shrugs.

"For letting me meet my dad," he says, "I know this isn't easy for you...thanks"

My heart sinks.

'Letting him'.

That statement makes me feel like a monster. I've kept them apart, Freddy's whole life. What kind of mother does that? I should have never lied to Kyle in the first place.

"I'm sorry for keeping you two apart," I say for the first time.

There's a moment of silence as I see the clouds in the sky merge together. My surroundings become dark and grey, which is when the first drop of rain falls from the clouds above us and hitting the window beside me. Then all the other drops fall, creating a loud storm around the car.

"I've never dated within my race" Freddy admits to me.

I look over to him and furrow my brows "what?"

"I've been going on dates with girls since I was thirteen and have never dated inside my race" he watches the road closely, turning on the windshield wipers. "I don't know who I'm related to...all I've ever known for sure is that my father...whoever he is, is white and has family in this town...I just wanted to be careful, you know?"

My heart rips into two. Salty tears fall from the corners of my eyes as the thunderstorm grows louder and more hectic out outside the car. I turn away from my son.

"You should have told me" I sniff, "you should have asked me about them"

"Would you have told me?" Freddy cocks a brow.

I shrug.

"Kyle's parents were strict and money-obsessed...but I loved them" I look out the window, watching the violent rain hit the glass, "his dad's a lawyer...a judge now...the mum was a stay at home, PTA, brunch with the girls type...Kyle has two sisters and a brother...he uh has cousins on his dad's side who live in town..."

I hear Freddy sniff.

"When was the last time you saw any of them?" He asks.

I saw his mum a few days after I got back from Beverly hills that first time. Kyle had mentioned that she was back visiting family but I didn't think anything of it.

The weekend that I saw her is a blur.

My mind goes back all those years earlier, to a major event that changed me. It was the day I hit rock bottom. The day that all the secrets and lies and guilt and depression pushed me over the edge.

The house was empty. Everyone was at work and I was alone with Freddy who wouldn't stop crying. So I drank every last drop of booze that I could find in the house before grabbing a bottle of my mum's sleeping pills and went into the bathroom.

My eyes were wide and tearful. I just stopped caring about all of it. I twisted off the cap and was swallowing five pills at a time. I took as many as I could till it all went blank. I fell to the bathroom floor and the pills were scattered all over the place.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital, tubes attached to my arms and a face mask covering my nose and mouth. My wrist was name tagged like a dog and there were flowers on the counter by the window.

They told me later that my mum came home early and found me. I've had a lot of shit happen to me over the years but that had to be my lowest point.

Kyle's mum was the first person I saw when I woke up. She told me that my mum knew she was in town and called her. After all, she was just as much a mother to me as mine was.

We talked for an hour before she had to catch a flight home.

"Don't tell Kyle about this, please" I begged her.

"Of course" she agreed. "Also, Alexandria...time has a way of healing all wounds...in a years time, nothing from today will matter much at all"

I shrug "I haven't done much healing of any sort"

She cracked a smile and said "Oh but you will, trust me"

And that was the last time that I saw Kyle's mother.

"Well, mum?" Freddy cocks a brow. "When was the last time you saw her?"

"A long time ago" I wipe away my tears, "she visited me when you were still a baby"

There's a moment of silence.

"Did she meet me?" He asks.

I sigh "no"

"Did she know about me?"

"No" I shake my head.

I look out the window and watch the clouds slowly part as I remember the events that followed my trip to the hospital.

My doctor diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and alcohol dependency. As a result, she put me on an antidepressant medication. I started seeing a therapist who I still see to this day. Without a combination of those two things, I'm not sure where I would be right now. Perhaps I wouldn't be successful or even alive if I didn't take my meds and go to therapy.

I don't like to think about the what-ifs. My head has always been so stuck in the past that I have never had time to over analyze my future. All I know now is, is the importance of taking care of myself which is something I wish my past self knew.