Overwatch Oneshots

Chopsticks... (McHanzo)

Trigger Warnings: None

Featured Characters: McCree, Hanzo

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Hanzo and chopsticks went together like bread and butter. McCree and chopsticks went together like cheese and ketchup. Therefore Hanzo thought it'd be a great idea to see how well McCree could use chopsticks.

"People eat wi' these things?" McCree questions to two sticks in front of him "They're twigs."

"Oh come on, McCree. Thousands of people use these 'twigs'." Hanzo replies as McCree picks up the chopsticks, giving them a suspicious glare.

"Well I've never heard o' them n'til now. I thought they were just one of them myths."

"Stop being silly." A challenge.

"No can do, pardner." Defeat.

McCree picks then stares suspiciously at the noodles in front of him, back to the chopsticks, and so on. First thing's first, pick them up correctly. Instead, he held them as if he was holding a knife, the points facing up. He turned them around so the faced downwards. 'Somewhat correct, good enough.' He thought.

"Well, cowboy?" Hanzo says, trying to get McCree to do something.

"Al'righ, al'righ, calm down."

The cowboy goes in for the kill, still holding the chopsticks wrong. He couldn't even open them without them simply clattering onto the table while Hanzo snickered in the background.

"Shut up, pretty boy. If ya think yer a hot shot, I wanna see you do it."

Hanzo snatches the chopsticks off the table, and easily picked up some noodles while throwing McCree a shit eating grin the whole time. "You ass.."

"It isn't my fault you can not articulate these. Once you do that it's easy as talking. That seems to be fairly easy for you."

"Oi, watch yerself, bucko." McCree says jokingly as he grabs the chopsticks again. Instead of using logic and copying Hanzo from before, he violently stabs the poor noodles, cutting some in half.

"God damn it, this is impossible!"

"Smashing twigs into noodles is not how to work chopsticks correctly." Hanzo says simply.

"Would smashin' a twig up yer ass get'cha to shut up about tha obvious?" McCree resorts to his final card: Turn everyone's words around to become what they were not.

The two were quiet for awhile until McCree started laughing at what he said, Hanzo joining not long after. "How's about ya show me how ta hold these stupid things correctly?" McCree suggests.

The other rolls his eyes as he shoves the chopsticks, once again, back into McCree's hand, but correctly this time. "This looks even more complicated..," McCree grumbles.

"If you can pick up one singular noodle you can stop. You're stuck here with me until you do." Hanzo 'threatens'.

"Then I may never grab a damned noodle if it means yer stuck here too." McCree says as he contradicts what he just said by attempting the impossible- picking up a noodle.

"Hmm, then you'd be stuck in here without me until you do."

"Tha's just plain mean now." McCree says while flicking his eyes over to Hanzo for a moment. He finally does grab a noodle, however. He ends up cutting it in half with the chopsticks before it got far.

"JESUS, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE" he yelled into his hat while Hanzo was stupidly laughing at him again.

"Bye, cowboy." Hanzo says in a singsong voice as he slowly slides out of the room, leaving McCree with his hat in his face.

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I tried using one of those accented writing kinda things for McCree since his accent can butcher words so easily, and I'm familiar enough with it to imagine every word with it. I don't know if I'll keep doing this though.