Hey...I wanted to tell you, as the reader of course that...well...thank you, for being the substitute of the person my brain has been looking for. Constantly I've been torn apart by the invisibleness and Pain of society ripping me from every side, even though, there's no one there. I promised myself I wouldn't let my thoughts burn through and actually cause people to start to feel bad for me..but you know, things happen.
My brain is....interesting. My imagination and my ideas fall into my memories, causing my stories to become more dramatic. This isn't some story that's telling you a story from a girl who's under depression and anxiety, no...it's coming from me, I'm telling this story, I'm honestly telling you that everything you are about to read is 50/50. It may have happened, it may have not. My conversations never seem to reach through people and I find myself talking to myself. The brain I have is the mind it understands.
The left lobe which they call it, the one that humans can't even use because they're incredibly stupid that the other 90% goes to texting, and trying to find out why your boyfriends having a chocolate chip frappé with another girl under the red umbrella. That part of the brain is plugged into society, and it's hard to not be constantly charged by the environment you're currently in. Then there's the people who think no one understands them. Then, there's the other people that don't understand others. Hormones, drugs, alcohol...basic stuff that you're parents blame you for.
That's not the way you see it though...right. You're thinking...No one understands, and I can't say it a better way to show I'm smart, and that there is actually something wrong with me, but the words fail to come out in the correct manner. It's great to be a teenager. You're imagination at one point takes over your mind and turns it into a carnival causing you to easily fall in, while in real life, the merry go round is actually you falling down the escalator, in a mall. You completely drown life out. You can't hear, you're in an asylum filled with your favorite music glued to your ears, and the way it expresses exactly how you feel, makes you want to shatter yourself.
Glued to your head are your conclusions, but also glued is your resistance to the outside world. You want to be known, you want to live life in this musical, you want to be brave. Yet, you sit reading this, feeling unpowered and selfish, as you just feel like there's no point....at all.
I honestly don't know. It's hard to live with a concrete heart and a helium head, floating away with thoughts, yet you're heart heavy and trying to crush your whole system. I've got a lot of things to tell you, in the absence of the person who isn't here. This is on behalf of you, who isn't yet here.
