Begin Again

3 - Where's My Brother

Erin felt Jay's warm chest pressed against her back and woke to him wrapping his arms around her. She knew he was still sleeping as his breath was slower as it tended to be when he slept.

"Mommy?" Hailey's eyes startled her out of her comfort, and she came to her senses.

The sun was shining through the white curtains, and there had been no crying of the baby since five AM. Erin immediately leaped out of bed past her daughter, rushing out the room despite Jay's questioning. She noticed Ethan's door was wide open and rushed in, but realized there was no baby in the crib. Her heart was pounding.

"Jay!"

"Yeah?" Jay made his way into the room, his hair wild and his face drooping tiredly. "What's wrong?"

"Did you take Ethan out of his crib this morning?"

He shook his head and straightened his back, his eyes widening. He rushed over to the bed and looked all around it, but found no baby.

"Where is he?" Erin's eyes stung. She'd never lost a baby before. "Jay, where's our baby?"

He got up from searching under the crib and grasped her arms. "It's gonna be okay, all right? I'll check and see if anyone got in last night, and you can keep looking." He glanced out into the hallway to see Hailey looking at them curiously. "Don't say anything to her, okay?" he whispered, before kissing her cheek and running out to the kitchen door.

"Mommy, where's my brother?" Hailey asked, picking up Ethan's blue bunny from the wood flooring.

Erin knew Ethan always slept with his bunny in his crib--but it was somehow on the floor...

"Mommy, Mommy?" Hailey tugged at Erin's sweatpants as she stared in shock at the empty crib. He was only seven weeks old, not to mention pre-mature. He couldn't have possibly crawled out himself. She knelt down and wrapped her arms around her little girl, her eyes welling with tears and her arms shaking. She didn't want to look for Ethan, because she knew he wouldn't be there. She lifted Hailey in her arms and carried her to the kitchen where Jay was, looking at the bell on the door. Every time the door opened, a ring was supposed to go off throughout the house. Erin didn't hear one the night before. As Jay opened it and closed it multiple times and the alarm did nothing, she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Ethan." Jay stared at the bunny in Hailey's hands, anger and fear in his eyes.

"Mommy, where's is my baby brother?" Hailey asked again.

"I don't . . . I don't know, baby," Erin said, tears sliding down her cheeks in shock. She scooped up her four-year-old daughter and held her head tightly against her cheek.

"Get in the car. I'm getting you to the district and I'm gonna get Ethan."

"No! Jay!" Erin shook her head wildly and stared at him. "You're not going to toss me to the side. He lived in my stomach for eight months--"

"Erin!" Jay grabbed her arms. "I'm going to get out baby back! You need to trust me." He wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her forehead as Hailey began to cry even though she didn't understand anything.

...

"Jay, take a deep breath. I've done more cases than you can count, and I plan on finding your kid."

Erin put a hand on my chest, shaking her head, trying to get me to stop.

"You have no idea what happened just like me!" I shouted at Voight. "You don't know any more than I do here."

Voight turned with his hands in his pockets. "Watch what you do, here, Halstead. Don't want to screw up your job over whatever it is you're feeling right now."

"That's what Erin said before you murdered the guy who killed Justin."

"Jay!" Erin grabbed his wrist and squeezed it as hard as she could, her eyes still full of tears. "This isn't helping us find Ethan."

Jay's eyes stayed focused on Voight's. Voight clenched his jaw and stared blank-faced at him.

"Come on. Now." Erin dragged him by the wrist back into the breakroom, where Burgess sat talking with Hailey and her stuffed animal.

Erin put both hands on Jay's chest. "Jay, I know you're upset--"

"Erin, I'm not upset. I'm this close to letting go of my job to show how furious I am right now." He pushed her hands down. "Our seven-week-old son is somewhere out there. I don't know if he's being beaten or if he's already dead."

"Jay, don't think like that," she said through tears, her dropped hands hanging with a little hurt from his painful motion. "We're going to find him."

"He needs to eat, Erin!" he added, putting his hands on his head. "He could starve to death if we don't find him real soon."

"Jay, please," Erin said, wiping her soaked cheeks with her sweater. "It's our baby. We need to have hope."

He still looked anxious as ever, but kissed Erin and hugged her tighter than possible. "We're gonna find him, baby. I promise."

Erin nodded and buried her face in her husband's shoulder, soaking his jacket with salty tears.