Perfect Lies

'I'm really not up for answering any questions that start with how, when, where, why or what.' -John Green, Looking For Alaska

~x~

As I look out the window of the aeroplane, watching the clouds pass by, I can’t help but feel the joy of absolute freedom. I turn to my right and look over at Logan. I catch him already watching me with an expression I am unsure of. I found myself looking away, just as his hand advanced towards me, instantly I flinch, to leave his eyes full of pity I didn’t deserve.

I feel my eyelids growing heavy, leaving little time to prepare myself for the onslaught of nightmares sure to occur. Almost instantly I feel the painful memories of the past 24 hours flood back to me as I fall into a deep slumber.

Flashback- 11:58 Last Night, 2 minutes before my sixteenth birthday.

I whimper in the corner of my bedroom with the knife in my hand watching the seconds tick by, waiting for the last two minutes of my life, ready to end it all. As the clock ticks the last painful seconds I hear him enter the house. The clumsy footsteps I have come to know so well make their way towards the door that separates us. 39…38…37…only 36 more seconds to go until I can press the knife further into my veins, to end it for myself before he takes the last shred of innocence from my body.

I remember the promise my Uncle made to me weeks ago, that has stayed etched in my mind from the day he spat it out to me. ‘The moment you turn sixteen, Delilah, you’re going to be mine. You’ll no longer have anything left to give anyone. Not your first kiss, or your virginity, I shall leave you with nothing. Because after all, that is what you are Delilah, nothing.’ The word nothing has stayed with me since that day, all the constant physical and emotional abuse could not even prepare me for the feeling that word gave me. I felt myself believing it more and more each day. I, Delilah Rae Quinn, am nothing.

Before I have the chance to press the blade into my wrist, the door burst open! "Come here Princess" Eric, my Uncle, calls. ‘someday, the crash of the waves will be far away’ I sing quietly, trying to distract myself from the stench of alcohol that appeared as soon as the door opened. "come here now princess, or I’ll come and get you myself" Eric drawls, sneering at me from the doorway. ‘Cause when it's time, I'll leave the ocean behind’  I continue my voice wavering. "You good for nothing, little bitch" Eric says as he drunkenly make his way towards me. I get up trying to stand my ground, as I do so the knife slips from my shaking hands. Eric has finally reached me his rough hands running down my face; I shudder trying to not show my fear.

He clumsily reaches down and grabs hold of the knife. That is when I scream, I let out an ear piercing scream full of pain, sorrow and fear, the emotions I had tried my hardest to hide until then. Eric presses the blade to my neck drawing blood "Shut the fuck up whore, you're just as much of a slut as your mother was. And soon you'll be dead, just like her. Right after I've had some more fun with you. " I refuse to be weak any longer, I don’t shut up, I scream as loud as i could, and that is when I hear the door burst open, for the second time that night. Eric curses and pushes the blade deeper into my neck, pushes me to the ground and kicks me hard in the head. I feel myself losing consciousness but not before I see a figure hovering over me, he looks like an angel and I begin to think that maybe this is alright; I close my eyes almost praying that this will be the last time.

I jolt awake shaking, tears streaming down my face, I find a pair of arms wrapped around me, I glance up to see the angel himself and that’s when I crumble into his chest and my whimpers start to fade out, but Logan doesn’t let me go. For the first time in years I feel safe, although I know it’s probably a lie. A perfect lie.

~x~ 

Thanks for reading.

 Song of inspiration - Different worlds by Jes Hudak.