Insecure and afraid.

-Kelsey-

They said that everything will be okay in the end and if it's not okay then it's not the end. They said talking to someone would help. They said you're not alone. Funny that isn't it because I felt so much more alone when I listened to what they said.

I woke up screaming his name again. After I calmed down I looked at my phone to find it was 11pm, I had 3 missed calls off an unknown number. There was only one person I could possibly think of who would ring me in the late hours of Friday. My phone rang again in my hand making me jump a little. I pressed the answer key.

"Heyy b-babe, I'm outside your h-house. Answer the door." Jay slurred as he hung up.

Jay was my boyfriend but I broke up with him and now he wont leave. He just follows me around, he thinks that we are still together. All he does is get wasted with his friends and takes his problems out on me. I couldn't take it anymore so I built up the courage to leave but he didn't understand that I could walk away and I don't think he ever will.

I walked towards the door and I glanced into the mirror before getting my key to unlock the door. I Looked in the mirror to see my blonde, loose curls falling down to my hip. I had a baggy tie dyed jumper on with some shorts which were light purple. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I walked towards the door as they shouted 'Kelsey Lowe'. I never really liked my name. I opened the door to Jay and his friends staggering across my garden. They were so drunk one of his friends were passed out in the corner surrounded by empty beer bottles.

"What do you want, it's 11 at night Jay." I whispered angrily.

"Kel, babe you need to chill, here have a beer." Jay slurred as he reached for a beer.

"Jay I don't want a beer, what I want is for you to leave and take your friends with you." I whispered in a more calm tone.

"Kelsey don't make me hurt you." Jay said softly as he stumbled towards me.

I walked towards the garden to see how many of his friends he had to back him up, there was 3. How was I supposed to escape..

"Jay I'm going to close the door now and you're going to go home and get some rest." I explained in a weak voice.

I was scared and I didn't want to show it. I knew that if I didn't close the door soon I would be in danger. I had gone weak and my hands started to shake. He knew I was scared, I could tell by the way he was approaching me. Last time he did this my brother was here to stop him but he's not here to save me. Instead he's on his way to a training camp for the army. He was going to leave me and go fight for his country. Guess he had a bit of practise since he was always protecting me from people like Jay. My brother's name is Jack Lowe. He's protected me since I was young, my dad was a drunk and he got very violent toward me and Jack. My mother left us one day and never came back, we don't blame her my dad drove her away just like he did to us. My brother got a job and a house, since he's gone i'm on my own again.

I started backing away from him. I tried to turn and run to the front door but Jay had grabbed me by my hair. I fell to the floor, Jay laughed and pulled me up still gripping on to my hair. Jay pushes me up against the wall, I try to get away but his grip is firm.

"Jay, please let go you're hurting me." I cried softly.

"Look at you, you're so pathetic. You're nothing, you have no reason to be alive. Your're a waste of space." Jay whispered in my ear with a smug look on his face.

I stay quiet and look down at my feet. He was right, I had no reason to be alive. I was a waste of space. I have tried to kill myself but my brother stopped me. It was 7pm, I had enough of everything like my dad beating and the girls at school. My depression was getting worse and I was suffering in silence. I grabbed my iPod and connected it to the speakers. It was on the highest volume so that no one would hear my last cries. I had my note ready explaining how I couldn't take anymore of it. I had the blade in my hand. I pulled it across my wrist applying pressure as the blood dripped down my arm and on to the floor. I fell on my knees knowing I had cut very deep. It was getting hard to breath and the room was getting darker. I grabbed the bottle of opened pills put them to mouth. Jack was banging on the door telling me to turn my music down. He opened the door.