The chilly sunset breeze swept over Jihoon as he stood on the roof. He couldn't believe this. After everything he'd said, all the times he fought against the tension, there was always another fight.
But this time, he'd let himself give into his anger. Jihoon looked down at his hand. He'd hit Soonyoung. He'd given in.
Why was this time different? He'd always been able to control himself, why couldn't he this time?
Jihoon slammed his hand agaisnt the brick ledge, frustration sweeping over him.
He knew the answer. But he wouldn't say it, not even to himself. All he would say, was that with Soonyoung, things were always different.
Jihoon took a deep breath and looked out over Seoul. How desperatly he wanted to jump, to sprout a pair of angel's wings and soar over the city. If only he'd been born with wings, he'd be able to fulfill his desires.
The sound of footsteps behind him broke him out of this thoughts. The fall of the stpes was familiar, achinlgy familiar. Jihoon would listen to those steps in the hallway and smile, thinking about what those feet and the owner could do together.
But now he tensed. He wanted the steps to retreat back the way they came.
"Go. Away," Jihoon muttered, his words clipped so all the emotions he was trying hard to keep in wouldn't come flying out like the winged beast he wanted to be.
"Jihoon, please," the owner of the footsteps begged. "Can we talk?"
He wanted to say no. He was going to say no. But the word that came out of his mouth was anything but a no.
"Fine." after hearing the word that came out, Jihooon let his shoulders slump in defeat.
There was a moment of silence before the person spoke again. "I'm sorry. I know how hard you work to keep us all on good terms."
"Do you?" Jihoon burst out. "I'm the composer. If we fail, it's my fault, so I feel like if we're breaking apart, it's my fault. So i'm going to ask you again. Do you really know how hard I work? Do you, Soonyoung?" Too late, Jihoon realized his mistake. When he said the name, his voice cracked, and all the emotions inside almost came out. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and he turned back towards the city so Soonyoung couldn't see.
"No, I guess I don't," the dancer mumured. "But I'm still sorry. I'm just-" Soonyoung broke off, and Jihoon couldn't help but glance at him. Soonyoung had his gaze lifted to the darkening sky, and as Jihoon watched, he swallowed thickly, trying to hold back tears. "It's just, " Soonyoung started again. "Everything's been so confusing lately. I just feel like there's something inside of me, trying to get out. I feel it beating its wings, trying to take flight, and sometimes it gets close,"Soonyoung sounded like he was having a hard time controling himself. 'But then I just fight so hard to keep it in, and it gets mad, and I can feel its rage spreading through me, and I just can't control myself."
Not sure what to say, Jihoon remained silent.
"Everybody thinks rage is red-hot fury, but it's not. It's-"
"Ice." Jihon didn't even realize that he'd spoken untill Soonyoung said,"Yeah. It's ice. Ice, spreading through your veins and up into your mind, freezing everyhting over untill all you feel is numb rage."
Once again, Jihoon was silent. It scared him that Soonyoung was voicing what he felt, the exact same thing.
"But you know the worst part?" Soonyoung continued. "I know why I feel it. But no matter how hard I try, i just can't shut it down."
After a slight hesitation, Jihoon replied. "Why? Who do you feel it?"
The answer he got was one he never thought he'd get.
