I feel so lost, deep in my thoughts, how could my world be thrown apart, over washed by sadness and hatred. I try to put on this act all the time. That I don't cry and show emotions, that I'm all big and bad but I'm not any of that. I'm just a scared girl in a fucked up world. Mom and Dad, you are the reason why I'm like this now!
Just tell me one thing mom, how could you give me up, how could you let them just take me away from you without a fight, and dad, how could you just not do anything to stop them from tearing this family apart. Our family has crumbled to the ground. You could take care of the rest of my sisters and brothers but you just could not take care of one more of your own. And you still have the nerve to tell me everything is going to be alright and that you love. How could you? I want to scream and shout and let everything out but that would not change a damn thing would it?
That wont bring this family back together. I'm turning into that girl who experiments with drugs to feel numb, to forget about all the shit you've put me through. That girl who wants to escape from reality and live in a fantasy. That girl who is going to throw her life away if she keeps going down the wrong path. I even use to cut my self and the more i felt like no one cared the deeper the cuts got. It still did not change a damn thing, it just created very noticeable scars.
I have mental break downs, blaming you for all my problems but i cannot go on in life blaming you for everything i do. You're not the one putting the pills in my mouth, or pressuring me to sneak out and hang out with the wrong crowd, and i now take full responsibility for my actions. The sad part is that i'm trying my hardest to forgive and move on. I'm trying my best to have hope and faith that one day i will tell you that you have helped me become the person i am today. One thing is for sure though.....
You gave me the best thing i could ever ask for, a woman who saw the good in me. This woman raised me as one of her own and brought me into her family with love and has been the best thing that has happened to my life. I treat her like shit sometimes but I do love her and I would die for her any second of any day. She has helped me become the person I am today. And I <3 her, for everything she has sacrificed to help me feel welcomed and loved. I am happy to call her "My Mother."
