I heard this quote once from a movie, “We live alone, and we die alone.” Out of billions of people and billions of possibilities in this world, I was the one who never figured out how the nitrogen cycle and the theorems could change the way I will die. People say that I’m too complicated; it would take a lot of time until someone untangles my identity to know who I am. They can also be the first ones to figure me out, for me? I never knew nor know who I am really inside, I am incomplete and waiting. A complicated one who has no idea what the word Love means, I always base my life through those depressing quotes and I always thought I found my true wisdom using them. Like I was stuck in my own imaginary world and me perhaps, never knowing how it happened was struck by lightning one day.
There was empty bench where I sat every lunch hour; it is where I mind my own stuff. I consider myself as an anti-social freak, I never had friends in my year and still manage to keep my old lady for 5 years she’s the only one that I ever talked to since I transferred here. Only few people know my phone number I walked straight home every day, from now I think of it like, “What a lonely world I must have created in my head when I was in high school?”Hence, that bench played an important role in my story; it changed my perception about the world, but most importantly it changed ME.
I think it was Wednesday afternoon, because we had a laboratory exam that day. I grabbed a cup of hot coco from the cafeteria with Lizzie and we sat there for half an hour taking and giggling like little children, as it happened she had class so again, sadly I’m ALONE. I sat there every single day reading what I could read and attend class just in time. I was like that, for some 2 years. But for some reason God made his move and made me saw what I was missing out in the world. Well, while I was sitting there waiting for Lizzie’s class to dismissed, somebody that was not very gentle nearly CRASHED his bike to where I was mind experimenting. Luckily, he hit the brakes just in time.
“Sorry, Miss I never meant to do that.” With a smile
“No harm done, it’s okay.” I gave back a quick curved line from my lips, and then I received a text from Liz saying that her professor decided to dismiss them at 6:30. It bummed me out, so I just walked away.
On my way home, I was very annoyed by this jerk because he followed me all the way home. He kept on asking my number over and over again. But I never showed a glance to him and for addition I ran very fast, pretending that I was going to be attending some engagement and I was late.
“Would you leave me alone if I give my number?” With a very frustrating voice of mine that is so eager to get rid of this very annoying person.
“It would be a very big pleasure, but you need to text me tonight for you to be able to get rid of me.” What an arrogant being he is.
Unfortunately, I came home late my mom was not home yet and my dad was asleep and the worst thing I didn’t have any load. I shrugged my shoulders and he nonstop flood my phone with his useless and phone memory occupying texts. I went to sleep that night and ignored my phone for a day, why would I talk to a stranger and who I might add never dared to ask who I am and what my name is. I woke up and Lizzie knocked on our door, she decided to walk with me since my dad left early for a business trip. This is how it feels to walk with someone; it was fun lots of fun. You might think that I have brain damage or so but that’s what happen if you are alone that much and you feel so homesick, I was just an outcast in this place I didn’t belong here.
“We should do this more often, you have to get out of your comfort zone explore the world.” Now, Liz is the exact opposite of what I am, she is the girl who is known to anyone as the SOCIAL PRINCESS she is the friend of everyone. And I don’t know how she stands to be best friends with an introvert and an anti-social.
Monday morning, my classmates approach me for a group project (these is not the only time that I am not anti-social) we worked for the whole period and the next subject was awesome. I just do my work next and made myself comfortable by reading and music. I don’t know why but I always enjoyed silence. I just go with the flow do what my group mates wants me to do. I sensed that this day would be different, I was laughing with my classmates and my fears seemed to go away for awhile atleast.
This day was first thought by my brain to be normal but as it turns out it will not be normal. I went to my place and the same guy was there.
“What are you doing here?” With a soft voice.
“I told you I’m not going to leave you; you didn’t answer me last night this is the consequence.”
“Sorry, I had no cell phone load forgive me. And this is my seat so could you scram away or something.”
“Raven, Raven Freud and yours?”
“Somebody that you are not worthy of knowing.”
And someone interrupted reality. Lizzie how annoying that moment every time I remember it, I could give her thumbs up with a frowning smile.
“Jaycee! It’s time for the both of us to have lunch; you have a class at exactly 1 o’clock better eat early.” She is screaming on the top of lungs like I was a football field away.
“So you got my name, bye Raven. I’m terribly busy, sorry we could talk later though.”
“Sure.”
We waved our goodbyes and took our eyes of to each other; I feel a zing how can people feel like this so fast for someone they just met the other day. Me and my best friend went to the lunch room and ordered a salad because she says she’s into vegetable diet. She’s not that fat though she looks just like a stick if you ask me. I am so mean sometimes.
