This is Why

Prologue

Prologue

This is why. This is why we needed to stop. We were young and stupid. But we lost control. We thought we were stronger than what we really were. It was just a joke. We were bored. But nothing can make up for what we've done. Nothing.

It felt as if we were gods among mortals - we thought we were making a difference. We lost control. We couldn't control it. We should have stopped. I should have stopped them. I'd love to look back and make out as if nothing happened but I know. They know. It haunts me. He haunts me. 

I've always felt as if life was pointless. All we do is live, maybe do something that people will talk about, but eventually, we'll all just be forgotten. It's inevitable. Just a constant cycle. Wake up, go to school, go home, go to sleep. Round and round. It's boring.

As a child, I was fascinated with the idea of death. What happens when you die? Does is hurt?

I got older; the tune changed.

I started to wonder if life made a difference. Would it matter if I died? Would anyone care?

I've always liked to keep to myself - I like to think it was easier that way. In large crowds, I'd pull my hood and stare ahead. If something wasn't fair, I'd keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I'd just stare into the mirror; to convince myself there was some good. Not that there was. Or is. Some things never really change; it doesn't matter how hard you try.

I'd love to scream at my past self and tell him how important he actually was.

"You're not alone"

"It's okay not to be okay"

"NO EMMET DON'T!"

But the past is the past. It can't be changed and all you can think of is the if's, should's and could's. We all make bad decisions. Some worse than others. Trust me I know, I'm the King of that.