Marx gave this extra mini heart's day note to me a while ago. .(well, thank you ulit sa note tol. .it's at its sweetest thought kanina ^^). .then what has attracted me is this statement, to quote : "FORGIVENESS IS SURRENDERING MY RIGHT TO HURT YOU FOR HURTING ME."
nice no??, it kept me on my toes for the meantime despite the tragedy that i am facing for the past few days (weeks, months, YEAR??? -duh!). .
um, the thought is simple, SURRENDER, GIVE UP. .
GIVE UP. .and just let things go. .
IT IS OVER. LEAVE IT ALONE. LET IT GO. yun na yun.
let me just elaborate on certain things or events. .to the people who made me blind, to the people who stood beside me, to the people who meant more than my life for the past (i dunno, ahmmmm) weeks. .to the people who have shown and told me the TRUTH. .it's about time that you shall know what have you done. .
to the people who made me BLIND:
-all i thought, you were my FRIENDS. .then why have you kept things beyond my control and just let those things be less than complicated while in reality, they really are complicated. .i trusted you and told you almost everything i feel about that WRECKIN' heart fatigueability. .i trusted you guys. .but you took that trust for granted. .from now on, THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME FOR US. .it's too late to say sorry. .too late for apologies. .and, first things first, you'll never realize you've been so wrong because i think you're TOO NUMB to feel. .
- but just a final slap. .thank you, you've made me realize that I HAVE BEEN TO GOOD TO SO MANY PEOPLE AND I SHOULD START TO CHOOSE WHO AM I GOING TO TRUST AND BELIEVE FROM NOW ON.
to the people who STOOD beside me:
-i told you, it's all worth the fall. .thank you. .the way i stood in silence means that i have planted the words you said deep down (not only in my heart) my NERVES ^^
-for your patience seeing me cry, weep and lament though those days and nights that left me in this GAPING VOID (still). .i know you've heard a lot of my woes and freakish fears, but still you didn't grow tired of listening. .thank you. .
to the people who meant more than my life for the past (i dunno, ahmmmm) weeks:
-all i thought you were and you meant more than my life when i met you, but you have just proven me wrong for choosing your untold choice. .you don't deserve me, AND NEITHER I DESERVE YOU. .the mess you left maybe will dry up but leave a stain. .the wound you've caused may have been healed but IR persisted that's why it turned out now to be a GANGRENE. .rawr!!! ouch! packer :)
-the thought that you asked me to talk over things out made my heart experience (for the Nth time) a quantum leap. .but i am dismayed to hear that you've LONG BEEN taking the RIGHT-WRONG MOVE, one step closer to "ICE". .haha ^^ (liar!)
to the people who told me the truth:
-i owe you a lot. .you have intervened too early. .i really owe you a lot. .see, i cried. .i'm crying. .or i will still cry. .
to the new one. .or should i say to the NEW PAIR ^^:
-i wish you happiness and ETERNAL JOY. .may the silence you both keep deep within your hearts come out resulting to a FIERY LOVE STORY, rawr! as what i have said, you are like a dormant volcano. .you're just waiting for factors that will wake your activeness. .
-i wish you PEACE. .through this peace, both of you will experience easy COPING at times of your relationship's innie-minnie troubles. .or let me call it "TROUBLETS" (para mukhang minimal trouble lang). .
-i wish you REAL LOVE. .though this real love, both of you will be able to make it up to the end of our college days. .may you stay together forever. .(or if God permits, may you form a happy family ^^)
-i wish you HOPE. .through this hope, both of you will realize that you must live for one more day for one another. .simply because you need each other sooooooooooooo badly. .
-i wish you PURE and CLEAN CONSCIENCE. .through this one, you'll be able to realize that too many lives have been affected. .and few hearts have been ravaged. .still, both of you should lead to CLEAR THOUGHTS. .
- i wish you that may the spirit of forgiveness be with you. .rekindle that merciful feeling. .or rekindle that forgiving feeling. .---of letting things go, letting things work on your own and let all systems of your relationship work so so well. .hand in hand, both of you can make it.
and with all SERIOUSNESS:
-i hope you'll take care for each other as much as or more than what others have been doing. .or more than what they did. .
-learn to settle disputes early in the argument to make things still work out.
-don't waste a moment of silence, rather make it a good way to tell unspoken feelings. .
-take time to listen to each other's woes, through it, your trust in each other will be strengthened. .
-leave your past behind, be sure that you are really within the bounds of accepting the challenges of a life with a "NOT SO TIGHT" committment (well anyway, committment parin naman yun). .
-learn to forgive yourself for your MESSED UP past. .then try to learn to forgive the person who've been a part of it. .
-learn to humble yourselves down. .accept faults if its yours, .talk it over if it is vague. .
-continue to communicate - the reason behind- it's the heartbeat of every relationship. .
-lastly, ask the ONE UP ABOVE for guidance..for as you walk through the aisle holding hands, he walks with you through your lives greatest storms. .
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maybe, at this point i shall surrender. .i continued to fight for you through those hard 10 months, but maybe this is how things will just really end. .
i tried not to think or foresee a new one (right-wrong) for you, but it seems destiny has already given you somebody to love from now on. .
i give up. .
she's far better than me, far batter than me. .- with that pretty face. .
i have nothing against her. .i even don't know who really is she, so i wish you the longest time to know each other at you worst and at your best. .
i am hurting yet i want to be healed. .
i am saddened by my loneliness but i am lightened up by your happiness (because you have found happiness in her). .
maybe this is how the longest of the short stories will end. .
-HURTING. .
-LETTING THINGS GO. .
-LETTING PEOPLE GO. .
-SURRENDERING. .
the words "I LOVE YOU". .coupled with "TOO" are just now for the both of you, and for the world you built for each other. .
and tonight, as everyone sleeps softly in silence, my heart will now start to silently shut its feelings for you. .
i am now surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me. .
i just want you to find real happiness in her. .
ADIEU :)
