shy hearts

I've known him since I was 8 and yet all this time I never knew what I really felt about him. I thought that we would just be friends, that we would go through life without those awkward moments but no, I was wrong. I was really wrong.

he just started coming to our kids club, they introduced him as josh knight. he had like a dark blond coloured hair but his eyebrows were a dark brown just like mine. he just seemed to fit in, like there was just this hole and he was the right shape and size. he just went and played with us all like nothing was new. but then again didn't we all?!

I had always been asked why my eyebrows were a different colour to my hair. people didn't understand every time I tried to explain it too them it seemed like there was this brick wall between me and that person. the message never quite got through. because of this I had always felt like I didn't quite fit that hole the hole that I thought had been made for me but for years had never worked out how I could fit and now that I've seen that I'm not the only one I feel like that hole fits like I'm not alone.

he would play with me and run around with me like he did with all the other kids, but something about him would catch my attention. he was as people say...... different. to anyone else he was just another kid but through my eyes it was like he was from another world. I just couldn't put my finger on it!

he was into footy as was pretty much every other boy on the face of this planet! but i think I just felt like i had this person that was like me it was like we had formed our own culture.... a culture for people that had different coloured eyebrows to their hair colour.

august 8th 2009........

I couldn't believe it! all I did was walk through the door and I got all anxious. this really isn't normal. me Caitlin Jones after my experience 8 years ago. I shouldn't be nervous like this walking into youth club feeling nervous. I'm normally quite confident about being myself but now, today maybe not so much.

I strolled out to the back room trying to work out why I had this strange sensation rushing through my body. I tried to relax but every time I did it just got bigger. It was just like it wanted to say something but it just couldn't get it out. Josh said he'd be here tonight and yet I haven't seen him! We R now quite good friends but not in that way before you even think of that……… you dirty minded human being!

THUMP!!!! I fell flat on the floor! Before I could even say owww I heard .....HEY! Obviously its Emily! Emily is my BFFTLEWE (best friend for totally like ever without exception) we have been ever since we were two and it was her second birthday party and since then we have never left each others side for anything!

Emily would you do me the kind pleasure of removing your self from my back and with that she hopped off.

Em is so light on her feet she has the figure of a super model yet she wanted to be a forensic scientist when she is older. me on the other hand I'm a lump, my legs are fat, my arse is humongous and my stomach is like a balloon. yet when i tell people that i wanna go on a diet their all like NOOOOOOO your beautiful and your figure is great! even though i know and I'm pretty sure everyone else knows that in their heads they all think I'm a fat biach that really needs to lose weight! i mean seriously though if you knew how much i weigh you would scream and then rant at me telling me that i need to loose weight, and fast!

I've always had these problems with my image and figure and ever since i have liked josh its gotten worse because he goes out with all these pretty girls and i never think that I'm good enough.

anyway as i clambered back up too compose my self who other than............ queue enter Josh arrived and that anxious feeling in my stomach got stronger so strong in fact that it was now radiating all over my body! i could feel my self starting to go a faint pink crap I'm blushing crap crap crap

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the feeling came back as i was running through over and over again the events of the evening. trying to figure out the cause of my nervous insides melt down when as soon as i got to the part where josh came in. oh holy crap!!!!!!! I screamed. I like josh! as my concense shouted "DING DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!"