God i promise i'm trying. i'm trying so hard
& im pretty lucky that tears do not leave scars.
abused and torn apart, hated and loved.
i swear i'm so confused on what else to do next
cause when i look west it doesn't look it's best,
and when i look east nothing is at ease,
and behind me... there is nothing but my past following me.
and in front of me...i thought i had everything from my dreams.
i thought i had the best friend i have always wanted cause he stuck around,
but only for his own reasons.
i learned that people change like seasons
and when a story is told trust me,
people season it.
they only what tell what looks good on their part
rather then coming from the heart
and putting the truth in the kitchen table
because they're afraid that they're not able.
not capable
and not too stable
to admit to their own fault, but one day soon
they gone fall and get caught
and make an attempt to call,
me.
you know why cause i was down for them.
always tryna save them and meanwhile i am drownin
and it's not for attention but rather retention of what shit used to be.
and i am crying myself to sleep at night and this is probably the sixth time.
but nobody cares.
nobody sees.
nobody pays attention to the little chocolate girl
that will give up everything
just to see the person she is in love with be happy.
and chase his dreams.
cause when he's happy, so is she.
but not too long ago she woke up and realized it was only just a dream.
cause love ain't really what everybody hyped it up to be
and nobody spilled the tea.
nobody told the truth.
though it was just a matter of time
before that little black girl was gonna wake up
and break the curse.
and finally realize her worth and then
poof, she's gone.
right up and out of his arms,
she went.
cause she was drowning and thirsty for more,
thirsty for something better like flint.
and trust me...none of this will happen again.
she's not the same after her first heartbreak.
and it didn't take ice cream and chocolate cake.
it didn't take revenge.
all it took was getting her mind ticking and thinking and remembering
that she is the shit,
and remembering
that she made yo ass.
but you took that and ran.
so if you think you're really hurting her.
boy you ain't.
cause you gone be the own to faint when you witness her
drop dead gorgeous and chocolate
with another man.
with a diploma in her hand.
with a story about yo ass that people will laugh at
and then she'll thank you.
thank you for this self confidence that rooted from the hurt.
