The Last Croak

Hoboman III - Encounter with Lindsay

The worm was laboriously crossing the highway as the rising sun slowly sucked the moisture from its body. It was a race with death, of which the worm was unaware, to get to the moist, dew-soaked grass on the other side before it was too withered to continue. The worm was driven by instinct, and that instinct told it to keep moving, just keep moving. It was moving slower now but looked like it might survive, saved by its instinct. However, one thing that instinct could not predict were the passing cars and such was the fate of the worm. The passing from life to death happened in an instant as the car's tire simultaneously squished the head and the tail of the worm, leaving the body unfazed in the groove of the tread. An angry tempest flung the dismembered body high in the air towards oncoming traffic on the other side of the highway.

Thump! "That is so gross," Lindsay said, looking at the newly formed blotch of bug guts on the windshield. "Make it go away!". They were returning home from a long road trip and they were all getting a bit tired and cranky. Lindsay's father turned on the windshield wiper but there was only enough water to smear the guts over a wider area. Lindsay's mother suggested that they pull over at the nearest motel to clean the car and get some rest, and that's what they did.

After settling in, Lindsay told her parents that she was going out to get some ice at the ice machine nearby. When she stepped out the door of the motel she noticed an odd-looking man sitting on the shoulder of the highway just staring at his toes. "What an opportunity," she thought. Lindsay approached the man and asked, "What are you doing?". Hoboman didn't see her approach, had assumed the voice was in his head and didn't understand the words anyway because, due to a genetic quirk, he had no vocabulary. He continued to watch as he wiggled his toes.

Lindsay touched his shoulder and said, "Hey, I'm talking to you!". Hoboman turned, was startled to see Lindsay and screamed. Lindsay, startled that Hoboman screamed, screamed herself. Then Hoboman, still startled, screamed a second time. Then Lindsay, recovering quickly, thought it was so very funny and screamed a second time. When Hoboman didn't respond she screamed one more time to try to get a reaction. But Hoboman had gone back to staring at his wiggling toes.

"Something is wrong in this guy's head," Lindsay thought. Then she had a sudden inspiration. She thought it would be hilarious to introduce Hoboman to her parents as her new boyfriend. She grabbed Hoboman's arm and pulled to make him stand up. He stood up. Then she pulled him towards the motel. He slowly moved toward the motel. Hoboman didn't know what to think about the situation but did as directed. Hoboman was very complaisant and quite harmless to others despite what the urban legends said about him.

Lindsay knocked on the door and her mother answered. "Mommy," Lindsay said. "I'd like to introduce you to my new boyfriend". Lindsay's mother looked at Hoboman and saw a rather old man with large bulging eyes, hair that was disheveled with small clumps of mud entangled in it, a few missing teeth, clothes that were old, torn and rather stinky, and shoes that were torn and she could see his toes on his right foot and they were wiggling. "Why is he wiggling his toes?" she thought. As Lindsay's mother watched, her jaw dropped and eyes opened a bit wider as she saw a wet stain appear on Hoboman's crotch area that slowly spread and travel down the inside of his pant leg. Lindsay's mother yelled at Hoboman, "Get out of here you pervert! Get out!" and pushed Hoboman away from the door.

Lindsay said, "But mommy! He's my boyfriend! I love him so much! Don't be so rude to my boyfriend!". Lindsay thought the situation was hilarious. Lindsay's father tried to use reason with her and said, "Lindsay, you should know someone more than 5 minutes before declaring him your boyfriend."

"It was love at first sight daddy!" Lindsay said. "You be nice to my boyfriend, he might be your future son-in-law!"

"Lindsay!", her father said. "he is too old for you, too dirty, too... did he just pee in his pants?".

Hoboman was confused and didn't understand what was happening. There was a young girl who seemed to like him, two adults who looked very fearful of him, another girl with headphones on who looked unconcerned, and there was a dog sniffing his crotch that would not go away. Hoboman tried to say something but only gibberish came out of his mouth. Lindsay looked at him with a big frown and said, "How dare you call me that! How dare you!" Lindsay pushed him away from the door and said, "I break up with you! Go away now!"

Hoboman walked back to the highway to continue his journey. The events of that day, being a bit out of the ordinary, cause Hoboman, without knowing it, to reverse direction after several months of steady progress towards nowhere in particular.