Just Call Me MatPat {Natepat}

3

I'm worried. Scratch that I'm more than worried. He's just been quiet, emotionless, ever since he was emitted from hospital, he's just be silent. I can't blame him. I have a grasp on the pain he's feeling. But it doesn't exactly seem like he's feeling any pain... I don't know if he's feeling anything at all...

Stupid, of course he is, he's human. He's just not expressing it, and that's what's scaring me.

I caught him one night, crying. He was just sitting hunched up with his back against the wall, staring out the window. I tried to ask if he was okay but the words wouldn't come and I felt so helpless. I just ended up sitting beside him, rubbing his back as he cried into my shoulder.

I just want to help him and it's the one time he needs me and I can't to anything.

He's sleeping in the spare room, and I don't think I've seen him smile once, since we got him home. He's barely even spoken to me. Can you blame him? I can't...

My parents are working on getting custody of him, but his mother won't answer the phone and we sure as hell aren't speaking to his father. I know if we did I'd probably lash out and scream at him down the phone for what he's done.                                           

Sighing to nobody, I pushed myself off my bed, and went to see if he wanted to talk to me, talk to anyone really. So tentatively I knocked on his door, no answer, so I pushed it open, he was asleep at two in the afternoon, his sleep schedule thrown out the window, but who cared at this point? Just seeing him asleep, and relaxed was a phenomenon at this point.

It's terrifying to think of what he could've done, had the bandages not tightened. Maybe it's a good thing that they did...

None of this would have ever happened if people could just shut the fuck up.

"Matt?" His voice came, gravelly with sleep, and I looked up from the floor.

"Yeah?"

"Why're you watching me sleep? Ya weirdo." He laughed, and I smiled, enjoying the sound of his happiness, hoping he'd keep it that way, and go back to being the sarcastic, nerdy kid I know and love.

"I came to check that you weren't dead, and stayed because you looked really calm and peaceful."

"Hey look, MatPat knows what synonyms are!" He replied, laughing, which slowly turned into a small coughing fit.

"Maybe I should go into an English major, who knows?" I retorted, with a smile.

"I'd like to see you try." He smirked, and I shook my head.

"Do you need anything?" I asked him after a moment of silence.

He bit his lip, thinking. "Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure thing. I'll give you a sec to get up and get ready." I told him, and left his room, heading down the corridor to put my shoes on, bumping into my mom in the hallway.

"Any luck?" She asked, her eyes sympathetic, she understood too.

I smiled at her. "We're going on a walk now, I'll get him to talk about it at some point." I told her, placing a kiss on her forehead, and heading into the kitchen. 

I heard mom speaking to him as I slipped on a battered pair of converse, grabbing a couple jackets, and handing him one as we walked out the door.

We walked in silence, the only sound was breathing and the occasional car the drove past, the hum of the engines and the tweeting of the birds blending in as my own thoughts deafened me. I wasn't warm and it wasn't cold which was odd but relatively comforting. 

Anybody we walked past gave a smile or a wave, no stares or pointed fingers and I could hear him breathe out small sighs as every encounter ended. He was just as, if not more, concerned as I was.

"You okay?" He asked, slipping his hand into mine, the warm of his touch melting against my icy skin, the irony of that question made me want to laugh but I resisted it.

I squeezed his hand a little. "I'm fine, are you?" 

"I-I'm getting over it... I think. It's a lot y'know?" He stammered out, his voice was soft, breaking, he was losing it slowly. "But you can't lie to me that easily Matt. Your eyes look like two piss-holes in the snow." 

I sighed, scuffing my feet along the sidewalk. "I'm a little stressed I guess. Worried about you, but telling you that you'll think it's your fault and it isn't by any means. I don't blame you for any of this, it was nothing you could control but it's fucking terrifying." I spoke quickly, far too worried, talking about this was foreign to me, bottling my stress up was the usual, having no friends kinda helped me in that area.

"I would be too if I were in your position. This weirdo you've known for not even a year got kicked out because of his problematic gender issues and is now living with you with no clear path for the future." He replied, and I was about to reply before he continued. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to that school. And I don't have a job nor a car so going to Waterford High is out of the question. Sure your parents care enough about me to give me a home for now but in ten years who knows where I'll be?"

"Hopefully still with me." I laughed and he gave a knowing smile. "I reckon you'll be able to go back, the school seemed fine with it. And Mark, Jack, Cry and Pewds still care about you, they're stressing out like nobody's business right now. Anybody touches you and they'll have to answer to them. I don't mean just throwing you into the shark pit. We'll take baby steps Nate. I'm not doing anything you aren't comfortable with." I

He smiled, staring at the ground, his fringe falling into his face. "You are ethereal Matthew Patrick." 

I rolled my eyes, about to reply but he pulled my jacket and his lips hit mine before I could comprehend was happening. Warmth filled my chest, as I smiled into the kiss, realising how cheesy it was, but kissed back nevertheless.

He pulled back, his eyes slightly dilated and a tentative smile on his face. Like me, I don't think he was used to being able to do that. "Fucking ethereal." He repeated.

"As are you Nathan Smith."