Interrupting him, I say: "I don't give a shit about your jealousy issues"
He acted as if he didn't hear me and continued
"I never showed that hate toward him, neither did he. But it was obvious for us that we just didn't belong together as brothers.
So instead of having a perfect childhood, turns out it was fullfilled with jealousy, rage, hate and fear. Fear of being forgotten and hidden in the shadow of my little brother forever.
I really wonder how people say they can't live without a brother.
I lacked self-esteem and had trust issues. I started imposing myself and my legacy on everyone around me just to feel wanted in any way possible. I started losing my old friends then hanging out with some bad boys and lying to my parents. I wanted an escape from the perfect world I was supposed to be living in. That world where I should be like Max because he's simply better at everything. That world where no matter how much you try, he's always gonna choke out all the light that was directed on me and alwayd gonna be the favourite. I felt as if no one cared about me, I was never good enough. I began sneaking out after midnight to smoke and get drunk with the guys, even sometimes get high. I did it everynight, and at first no one noticed how dazy I would feel in the morning and how I woulf wake up looking like a zombie and smelling of alcohol. No one would notice because no one gave a shit. They were all busy cherishing Max. I even tried drugs once. I wanted and needed any kind of distraction from my fucked up life. The one who said that jealousy kills was totally right. My grades dropped real quick and my dad would hit me for not passing my tests. I could have studied, really, but I was just so hopeless at the time and had given up. The fifteen years old boy that was me had finally stopped trying to become the perfect child Max always has been. I locked the door to a bright future for me. Mom and dad started arguing everyday on my behalf, and problems always rained down on us, except for Max -ofcourse- who gladly stole my perfect life.
