New Years

      Fussily teasing my hair into a half decent ponytail was how I started that New Years Eve the year I was 14. Squeezing into the green lace up shirt I had just bought  in a shopping spree hours earlier at a Rue21 going out of business. Debating on what pair of jeans would be the most flattering.  So excited to see Samantha Johansen my best friend since I was too young to talk. Someone who at any point in my childhood would be the first person I would pick up to call whenever something went wrong. Little did I know as I hummed along to a Shawn Mendes smash hit that everything I knew would change that night.

   My mom used to warn my when I was younger. "Don't put all your eggs in the Sam basket" she'd say only half serious. I'd laugh back "But the Sam basket is reinforced with steel." Sure the little signs had been their but nothing, I felt, my basket couldn't hold in. Sam and I used to be the obnoxious kind of best friends. If we didn't see each other at least once a week (we went to different schools) we'd go stir fry crazy. That year had been different in a way that had only began to become clear by New Years.

     She  wasn't always the most popular at her school. Although I idolized her so much she might as well have been. In fact she'd battled with a lot since fifth grade. With the combination of depression, stress acne, and her distant older sister Mary Sam became quite anorexic. She weighed a grand total of FIFTY THREE pounds in sixth grade.

   Sam's anorexia got so bad that even her parents noticed eventually. Lindsey Johansen a forty something year old with the mindset of a college party girl found the extent of the damage my dear friend had caused herself unbelievable. Before she began to gain weight again she'd gone under the knife multiple times. Every time they put her under I'd find myself worrying so bad, I was hardly able to function.

    A vivid memory of that time with her was my younger sister Lily's birthday. We'd dressed ourselves in fancy dresses and messy makeup and took Lil out to eat at our Olive Garden. Sam babbled endlessly about how the good the dumpling soup was and I'd promised goodnaturedly that I'd try it for sure. It wasn't long after a waitress had taken our orders that Sam had pitched forward clutching her stomach. I ruffled through her bag looking for the pills. Sam was always supposed to have on her. She took them anytime she ate to help her stomach learn to process food again. Without the pills Sam wasn't allowed to eat anything at all, doctors orders.

         We never found the pills that day. Sam assured me she was fine laughed it off even but the Sam in pain I saw that day was not something I'll ever forget. After that anytime we dashed out the door for our latest great adventure I always reminded Sam to bring the pillbox. I'd seen my idol at a weak point and it scared me terribly.

    The pills disappeared eventually and Sam's problems shifted toward Mary who in ninth grade was becoming even more of a party girl then Lindsey was. Sam's teenage years arrived faster than mine did and boys she knew made fun of her constantly for her acne. Ron being far the worst telling her no boy would ever want to be with her and she may as well just become a nun and shield herself from the embarrassment.

      At my little private school things were going swell with multiple  of boys vying for my tiny statured affection. Sam was drowning from the weight of her problems and I was the friend she was clawing at to save her. When the school became political though I was out of my utopia so fast I couldn't blink. My mom was cold and unfeeling about the situation caring not one bit about "ruining" my eighth grade year. The tables had flipped for me and Sam and they only continued slanting.

      Mary became  Miss Popular after being elected to homecoming court  freshman year. Her rocketship ride to popularity came with even more parties. And who else was riding her coattails but Sam? What better way to become friends with Mary than to win over her sister? I suppose the growth spurt Sam hit played a big part in it as well. Every boy who'd laughed at her before was choking on their words.