And then the Sky fell Northwards

Confusion in its simplest form

My heart is breaking and I’m not sure if I can keep up with their expectations...

I need to get away from them or at least away from the thoughts inside my head. I wonder what I’ve got next, physics is it? I hope it’s Physics that’d be good; it usually keeps me out of my own head and occupied.

That would help me, getting stuck in a beautiful mess of science and maths rolled into one amazing complex hour that makes as much sense as shooting cupcakes into space. It’s not the same as listening to some hardcore death metal and miming the words like a normal person but it’ll do. Shame my iPod’s charging at home right now. Oh procrastination how you drain my iPod’s battery.

Although by now it would have been taken off me and left to grow cold while Keane’s “Somewhere only we know” gets played and played on repeat until its very last beat coming from its tiny metaphorical heart.

Ah never mind lets just hope I’ve got Physics next.

Crap.

Not physics. No laws. No Newton. No fabulously simple rules to be twisted into amazing equations that only make sense to the creator of said equation. God knows I’ll never understand them.

I’ve just checked with Maria and she has History (why on earth would anyone in their right mind pick History. I’d kill myself to get away from it if I wouldn’t be making more history in the process. Hahaha oh why am I so funny?) So that means I’m stuck with mind-numbingly easy Maths. Well I think that’s what I have there must be someone who knows...I’ll text Maisy she always knows what I have and when.

I bet she secretly stalks me in the bushes...

Jemma pulls her phone out of her bag, trying to be all sly and calm while everyone around her stares at the scars burnt into her flesh, into her heart, into her soul. She slumps up against the wall and lets a cascade of hair fall in between her face and the world only leaving enough room to make a small gap so she can be sure that her text makes sense.

Once Jemma finishes writing she clicks the send button a little too hard and chips the corners of her thumb nail leaving it jagged and providing her life with even more frustration than she already needed.

She digs her right hand into her shoulder bag leaving her left thumb out in the open for the world to see it’s brokenness. Jemma finally stopped searching and pulled out a nail file. Forever having a make up set in her bag these days defiantly had its uses. She walked along staring intently at the work she was doing with the file; turning corners here and there still on her walk to Maths silently wishing that if she had cut her nail, it would somehow bleed her to death so that she could escape the madness.

When she flicked around the last corner Jemma was met with a crowd of year 12s all waiting outside Maths to go in. This just meant that Jemma lost what ever spark of hope that had been burning for the last few days at school/college/whatever-this-hell-hole-was forever getting smaller. To begin with everyone standing around the door had been talking as normal but one by one they saw Jemma and fell silent...

Yep I’ve got Maths. And it’s just down the hall where about half the class are waiting outside in their groups with socially awkward chattering. It actually seems no one quite knowing how to spend the next few minutes: some by continuing old conversations, others by picking a quick little thing that everyone will forget in a few moments then the rest who just stare into space but still some how connect with each other while doing it. Ahh people, how boringly easy you are to figure out. This has been happening where ever I go around this god-forsaken building, it’s like there’s a hundred metre radius of silence around me as I go about being me in my new slightly crazier abnormalness.